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How to Divide Sentimental Items in an Estate

September 24, 2024 / David Russell

My mom recently passed away and I am the executor of her will. The will is fairly simple with everything divided equally between me and my four siblings. The problem is that there are a lot of heirloom items, including art, jewelry, furnishings, and several sentimental items that I know several of us have an interest in. Some are worth quite a bit, but most of it holds only sentimental value. Since I am responsible for dividing these items equally, how can I fairly and objectively do this without it looking like I'm favoring myself?

Betsy T.

First of all, I’d like to extend my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your mother. Navigating the complexities of grief while handling the responsibilities of being an executor can be an incredibly challenging task. It’s commendable that you’re seeking a fair and objective way to manage your mother’s legacy while honoring her memory and considering your siblings’ feelings.

Dad has Alzheimer’s. Mom asked me to take over the finances. Where do I start?

September 17, 2024 / David Russell

I just found out my dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. My mom called me and through tears asked if I would take over their financial affairs while she tends to Dad's care. I have no idea where to start, what they have, or where to find anything. I think they are fairly well off. They live comfortably and own a vacation property in Idaho that we all use occasionally. I have an older brother, so I'm not sure if I have the authority to do anything. She did say they have Wills in a safe deposit box, but I don't know how to access it. What should I do now?

Shelly T.

Receiving news about a loved one’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis is undoubtedly a heavy burden. It’s challenging to process the emotional ramifications, and on top of that, your mother is reaching out for help regarding their financial affairs. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed and unsure of where to start, but you’re not alone in this.

While this will be a profoundly personal journey, here are a few tips to begin the process of taking over financial decisions.

Mom leaves more to one child than another: what could go wrong?

September 10, 2024 / David Russell

Three years ago, my mother moved in with me and I became her full time caregiver. Last year she changed her will to leave more to me than my sister who hasn't done anything for her care. In fact, she hasn't spoken to mom since she moved in with me. I don't get paid for providing care, but I do use her social security check to help pay for household bills and groceries. Aside from that, mom has a sizeable stock account that she inherited from our dad. I'm worried my sister may cause trouble when mom dies and learns she doesn't get as much as I do. Should I ask her to change her will to be more equal?

Esther B.

I can sense the unease in your voice. As caregiver for your mother, it makes sense that she might favor you in her will, especially if your sister isn’t interested in a relationship with your mom. While your question is more about what happens after your mother dies, my hope is that there will be opportunities to communicate with your sister before that happens, resolve the rift between her and your mother, and avoid the potential conflicts that may arise. Ultimately the decision to accept the provisions of your mother’s will is hers.

That said, let’s discuss some practical issues to address your concerns, minimize legal complications, and discourage potential disputes with your sister when it comes to your mother’s will.

Understanding the Legal Framework

First, it’s important to ensure that the change your mother made to her will is legally sound. The will must have been updated at a time when your mother was fully competent and free from undue influence. Consulting an estate attorney can ensure all legal protocols were followed, thus making it less vulnerable to future challenges.
Was the change made with the assistance of an attorney? Although it’s not a requirement, using an attorney to execute legal documents like wills can avoid the mistakes people make when doing it themselves. Often, people will write a will in their own handwriting (called a holographic will). While these may be valid, these types of wills are easily disputed and may not have followed the procedures for valid will executions in the state where the person resides.
Assuming your mother did use a lawyer, and at the time did possess the capacity to execute a new will, who was present in the room with your mother’s lawyer when she changed her will? Just your mother? You with your mother? Only you? Ideally, it was only your mother. If you were present, did the lawyer directly address your mother or direct questions to you? The less your involvement in the meeting, the less likely you could be open to accusations of undue influence.

Guarding Against Will Contests

If your sister decides to contest the will, she could potentially claim undue influence or argue that your mother lacked the mental capacity to make such a change. To prepare for such scenarios, work with her attorney to maintain thorough records of the discussions and motivations behind the will’s adjustments. This documentation reinforces that the decision was made independently and with full awareness.
Did your mother include a no-contest clause to her will? Known as an in terrorem clause, this can discourage your sister from contesting the will, as she risks forfeiting her inheritance if she loses the challenge. While this is not enforceable in every jurisdiction, where applicable, it serves as a strong preventive measure.
A letter of intent can also be included, detailing your mother’s reasoning behind her decisions. This document, although not legally binding, provides context that could be useful in defending the will against disputes. Sometimes, these are prepared by the person creating the will, but the attorney may also provide this service.
Keeping detailed records of your caregiving responsibilities and related expenses is crucial. Not only does it validate the more substantial inheritance in compensation for your caregiving role, but it also provides a clear, factual basis for the distribution decision should your sister challenge it.

Proactive Communication and Mediation

Facilitating open communication with your mother and sister could be beneficial. If your mother is comfortable, hosting a family discussion where she shares her reasons for the will’s changes may help your sister understand the context and reduce tension. Transparency often alleviates suspicions and pre-empts conflicts.

If direct communication seems difficult, consider bringing in a professional mediator. A neutral third party can help facilitate productive discussions and address any underlying concerns or grievances. This proactive step can prevent more heated disputes down the line.

Engaging a Professional Team

Engaging the right team is critical. Not only can a team of professionals provide advice and counsel, but their presence and involvement demonstrate that you are not acting alone in managing your mom’s affairs. If her lawyer does not specialize in estate planning or elder law, you can look for one near you by visiting the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys. Other team members might include a geriatric care manager, financial planner, or family counselor.

By addressing these issues now—through open communication, legal safeguards, thorough documentation, and professional advice—you can reduce the likelihood of disputes and honor your mother’s wishes effectively. While it’s a challenging situation, approaching it with preparation and empathy can help maintain family harmony and respect for everyone involved.

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Can Mom’s New Boyfriend Replace Me as Power of Attorney?

September 4, 2024 / David Russell

I hold power of attorney for my mother. She's 89 years old and for the last two years, she has had a close companionship with "Stanley," a widower in the retirement community she lives in. Lately when we've discussed her future care needs, Stanley has been present and has bristled at the idea of Mom moving into assisted living or skilled care, even suggesting she move in with him. I'm concened that Stanley could talk her into removing me as power of attorney and naming himself. If so, what can I do to protect her?

Sarah T

First, your mother’s happiness is undoubtedly important, but so too is ensuring that her interests are protected as she navigates this vulnerable time in her life.

So, take a deep breath. This is a common concern that many family members face, and you’re not alone in dealing with these situations that involve both touchy and practical issues.

Reader is Confused: “Doesn’t Medicare Pay for Long-Term Care?”

August 27, 2024 / David Russell

I'm confused. My 78 year old dad recently had heart surgery and was released to a long term care facility for several weeks of rehab. He has Medicare and has a Medigap policy as well, but a long term care expert recently told me that Medicare won't pay for long term care. We've yet to get a bill from the facility, but now I'm concerned he's going to have to pay for this out of his pocket. Can you clarify this please?

Jeff P.

Sorting through health insurance details can sometimes feel like navigating a maze, especially when it comes to your dad’s recovery after heart surgery. If you’ve recently been told that Medicare won’t cover long-term care while he’s in a facility for rehabilitation, you’re certainly not alone in your confusion.

Medicare and Rehab Services

First off, let’s tackle the terminology. When we talk about long-term care, we often think of assistance provided in a nursing facility over an extended period. However, after a hospital stay, what your dad is receiving at that facility is actually classified as rehabilitation services – not long-term care —and that’s where Medicare comes into play.

To qualify for Medicare coverage in a skilled nursing facility (SNF), your dad needs to meet a few key requirements:

Hospital Stay: He must have a qualifying hospital stay of at least three consecutive days. Two days just won’t cut it, nor does admittance “for observation.” It must be an actual admittance for treatment in a hospital for at least three consecutive days!
Timely Admission: He needs to be admitted to a Medicare-certified skilled nursing facility within 30 days of being discharged from the hospital.
Type of Care: The services provided must primarily be skilled nursing care or rehabilitation therapy (think physical or occupational therapy).

Coverage Duration

Now that we’ve established that Medicare does indeed help with rehabilitation in a long-term care facility, let’s cover the specifics of what’s included:

Days 1-20: Medicare Part A kicks in and covers 100% of the costs in a Medicare-qualified rehab facility. It just so happens that many of these facilities are also nursing homes.
Days 21-100: From day 21 onward, there’s typically a daily copayment involved. For 2024, this amount is expected to be around $200 per day. Definitely something to factor into your budgeting.
Days 101 and Beyond: After the first 100 days, Medicare steps back and does not cover any costs. It’s all out-of-pocket!

Out-of-Pocket Costs and Medigap Magic

With the basics in mind, let’s get to the crucial part: out-of-pocket expenses. This is where your dad’s Medigap policy can really come to the rescue.

What is Medigap?
A Medigap policy is basically supplemental insurance that covers some of the costs that traditional Medicare doesn’t. Most Medigap plans help cover the daily copayment that starts after day 20.

Plan F: Offers full coverage of those copayments after the 20th day.
Plan G: Generally covers the copayments but requires that annual Part B deductible to be paid first.
Plan N: This one can require some copayments for certain services, but it still provides significant coverage for the days beyond 20.

Taking a closer look at your dad’s specific Medigap plan will give you the clarity needed to manage these potential costs.

Tips for Managing Long-Term Care Costs

Communicate with the Facility: When that first bill rolls in, don’t hesitate to reach out for clarification. Ask them questions about what Medicare is covering to understand your father’s financial responsibilities better.
Review the Medigap Policy: Make sure you’re familiar with the details of your dad’s Medigap plan. Each plan can have different coverage options, so understanding what’s included can help avoid surprises down the line.
Explore Other Aid: If costs start feeling overwhelming, consider looking into additional resources, like Medicaid or veterans’ benefits, which may help cover expenses once Medicare and Medigap benefits have been exhausted.
Get Professional Guidance: If you find yourself feeling lost in the financial fog, consulting with a financial advisor who specializes in elder care can provide direction and peace of mind.

While it’s easy to mix up the terminology surrounding Medicare, particularly when dealing with rehabilitation services in a long-term care facility, the key takeaway is this: If your dad is eligible and receiving rehab services, Medicare can help cover those costs—at least for a while! Understanding how Medicare and Medigap work together will empower you to make informed decisions about your father’s care and manage any potential financial burden.

Remember, you’re not alone as you navigate this. It may feel complicated now, but with a bit of persistence and the right information, you’ll find your way through!

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Ten Ways Technology Can Help with Remote Caregiving

August 20, 2024 / David Russell

I live far away from my older parents and I have no siblings. They insist on staying in their home as they age and I am concerned about their being alone. I work in the tech industry and would like to know what new technologies are useful to help families care for their aging loved ones?

Mark W.

This is such a common situation nowadays. As our parents grow older, their desire to remain in the comfort and familiarity of their own homes is completely understandable. For those of us living far away without siblings to share in the responsibility, ensuring their safety and well-being can be challenging. Fortunately, advancements in technology, alongside traditional forms of support, offer innovative solutions to make caring for aging loved ones manageable from afar. As someone working in the tech industry, you’ll find these developments particularly meaningful as they offer peace of mind while fostering closer connections despite physical distance

Smart Home Devices

Smart home technology has become indispensable for seniors wishing to age in place independently. Devices like smart speakers with voice-activated assistants (such as Amazon Echo or Google Home) enable seniors to set medication reminders, manage schedules, and control home appliances effortlessly. Additionally, smart security systems, like Ring doorbells, allow older adults to monitor visitors at their doorstep without having to physically open the door, enhancing both safety and convenience.

Personal Emergency Response Systems (PERS)

PERS have advanced beyond simple panic buttons. Current systems offer features like fall detection, GPS tracking, and two-way communication. Products such as MobileHelp and Philips Lifeline ensure that seniors can summon help at any moment, providing reassurance to both them and their distant caregivers.

Telehealth and Remote Monitoring

Innovations in healthcare technology have transformed access to medical care for seniors. Telehealth platforms facilitate virtual doctor visits, significantly reducing the need for travel. Additionally, remote monitoring tools track vital signs, including heart rate and blood pressure, sharing real-time health data with medical professionals to ensure timely care and intervention.

Robotics and AI

The rise of robotics and artificial intelligence in elder care is an exciting development. Companion robots like ElliQ by Intuition Robotics and Pepper by Softbank Robotics are designed to engage with seniors, offering companionship, reminders, and health monitoring. Furthermore, AI-driven tools can analyze behavioral patterns, identifying changes that may signal health concerns before they become serious issues.

Four Ways to Pay for Long Term Care with Home Equity

August 15, 2024 / David Russell

My wife and I are in our mid-seventies and concerned with how we will pay for care as we age. We do not have long term care insurance and likely could not qualify due to health reasons. We own our $700,000 home debt-free but have modest liquid assets. Can we use our home equity to pay for care without having to sell it or go into debt? We would like to stay in our home as long as possible.

Frank W

As we age, the need for long-term care becomes a critical consideration for many families. For older adults who have not purchased long-term care insurance or do not have sufficient liquid assets to cover extensive care costs, their primary asset—the family home—often becomes a focal point for financial planning. Many individuals feel that their home is the one asset they’ll be able to leave to family members. However, most polls show that children don’t really want mom and dad’s home. Inheriting the home also means inheriting taxes, maintenance, insurance, and squabbles over division. Most homes are sold at a discount with the cash divided among heirs.

It makes sense then that the home should be an available resource for long term care expenses. Your wishes to stay in your home as you age and move from independence to dependence is also typical. Most people would prefer to “age in place.”

Let’s look at four less-traditional ways to use your home equity to pay for long-term care.

Why Banks Might Refuse a POA

August 13, 2024 / David Russell

I hold a valid power of attorney for my mother, but when I tried to use it at her bank, the bank refused to recognize it. Why would the bank refuse to honor a valid legal document?

Nancy s.

As a holder of a power of attorney (POA) for a loved one, it can be incredibly frustrating when a bank refuses to recognize this legal document. You may believe that you have the authority to act on your mother’s behalf, but banks sometimes take a cautious approach when it comes to powers of attorney. Let’s explore some common reasons banks might refuse to honor a valid POA and what you can do if you find yourself in this situation.

Multi-Generational Living – It’s Complicated.

August 6, 2024 / David Russell

In recent years, a noticeable trend has emerged: Millennials are increasingly choosing to live with their Baby Boomer parents well into their 30s. This phenomenon is not merely a result of personal preference but is deeply intertwined with economic realities and changing societal norms. Moreover, it raises important questions about the willingness or reluctance of Millennials to provide care for their aging parents. Let’s delve into the economic and relationship aspects of multi-generational living, examining both its benefits and challenges.

Understanding the Trend

Several factors contribute to the rise of multi-generational living arrangements. Economic pressures, such as soaring housing costs and stagnant wages, make it difficult for young adults to afford independent living. According to a recent Pew Research Center report, more than a third of young adults aged 18 to 34 are living with their parents, the highest share in decades. This statistic underscores the economic strain facing Millennials and their need for alternative housing solutions.

Aging and Implications for The Presidency

July 9, 2024 / David Russell

The world is keenly focused on our aging president and debating his mental capacity to properly execute the duties of the office. This debate is not new. At least three former presidents of the 20^th century also faced questions about their age and capacity to carry out their presidential duties, especially during their later years in office or while campaigning for re-election. Here are some notable examples:

Ronald Reagan:

Age at Inauguration: Reagan was 69 years old when he took office in 1981, making him the oldest president at the time.

Concerns: By his second term, Reagan faced scrutiny over his age and health. In 1984, during a debate with Walter Mondale, Reagan addressed concerns about his age with a well-received joke, saying he would not make age an issue by exploiting his opponent’s “youth and inexperience.” Later, in 1994, Reagan announced he had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, leading to retrospective speculation about whether he had exhibited early signs of the disease while in office.

Dwight D. Eisenhower:

Age at Inauguration: Eisenhower was 62 when he took office in 1953.

Health Issues: Eisenhower suffered a heart attack in 1955, a stroke in 1957, and underwent surgery for Crohn’s disease in 1956. These health issues raised concerns about his ability to perform his presidential duties, though he continued to serve until the end of his second term in 1961.

Franklin D. Roosevelt:

Age at Fourth Inauguration: Roosevelt was 63 years old when he was inaugurated for his fourth term in 1945.

Health Issues: Roosevelt’s health had been a concern due to his polio and declining physical condition. During his later years, he was visibly frail, and his death in April 1945, just months into his fourth term, intensified scrutiny about his health during his presidency.

Normal Cognitive Decline vs. Cognitive Diseases

As people age, it’s common to experience a gradual decline in certain cognitive functions. This decline is usually mild and does not significantly interfere with daily life. Normal cognitive decline can manifest in several ways:

Multitasking: The ability to juggle multiple tasks simultaneously tends to decrease with age. Older adults may find it more challenging to switch between tasks quickly and efficiently, often needing more time to complete activities that require divided attention.
Executive Functions: These include skills such as planning, problem solving, and decision-making. Aging can affect the brain’s prefrontal cortex, leading to slower processing speeds and difficulties in managing complex tasks that require these higher order cognitive functions.
Processing Speed: Older brains generally process information more slowly than younger ones. This can impact the ability to react quickly in situations requiring fast decision-making, such as driving or operating machinery.

In contrast, cognitive diseases involve more severe and progressive decline. Conditions like Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, and various forms of dementia are characterized by substantial impairments in memory, thinking, and reasoning that interfere with daily activities and quality of life.

Impact on Daily Life and Professional Roles

The cognitive changes associated with normal aging can affect various aspects of daily life, from simple tasks to complex professional roles. For example, older adults might struggle with remembering appointments, managing finances, or learning new technologies. These challenges raise important questions about the capacity of older individuals to continue performing certain activities or holding specific positions, especially those requiring high levels of cognitive function and quick decision-making.

Multitasking and Executive Functions: Professions that require the ability to multitask or execute complex plans, such as surgeons or air traffic controllers, might be particularly impacted by age-related cognitive decline. The decreased ability to handle multiple stimuli simultaneously and make quick, effective decisions can pose significant risks in these fields.
Processing Speed: Occupations like piloting a commercial airliner demand quick reflexes and rapid information processing. Slower reaction times and decision-making capabilities in older pilots could potentially compromise safety. For this reason, the Federal Aviation Administration () has set specific age regulations for the mandatory retirement age for airline pilots at 65.

Ethical Delemmas

Determining whether normal age-related cognitive decline should restrict older individuals from certain roles or activities involves complex ethical considerations. On one hand, it’s essential to ensure public safety and maintain high standards in professions where cognitive performance is critical. On the other hand, imposing blanket restrictions based on age can be seen as discriminatory and fail to recognize the individual variability in cognitive aging.

Balancing Safety and Fairness: One of the main ethical dilemmas is finding a balance between safety and fairness. It’s important to evaluate individuals based on their actual cognitive abilities rather than their age alone. Regular cognitive assessments and performance evaluations can help determine whether an older person is still capable of performing their duties effectively.
Respecting Autonomy: Older adults have the right to make decisions about their lives, including their careers. Ensuring that they are treated with respect and given the opportunity to continue contributing to society is crucial. Any policies or practices should aim to support and accommodate older individuals rather than exclude them arbitrarily.
Societal Impact: The aging population is growing, and older adults play an increasingly vital role in the workforce and community. Addressing the challenges posed by cognitive decline requires societal efforts to create supportive environments, provide adequate resources, and promote lifelong learning and cognitive health.

Implications of Aging on the Presidency

Beyond the constitutional and legal requirements, there are several capabilities, skills, and aptitudes implied as necessary for effectively carrying out the duties of the presidency, at least some of which can be affected by normal cognitive decline; however there are also adaptive measures that a president can use to mitigate the effect of aging on his or her skills.

Leadership and Decision-Making: The president must possess strong leadership qualities and the ability to make critical decisions, often under pressure. This includes the capacity to guide the nation during crises and set strategic directions.
- Impact: Normal aging may slow down decision-making processes and reduce the ability to quickly process information and respond to crises. Cognitive decline can impair judgment and the ability to weigh complex variables effectively.
- Adaptation: A well-structured team of advisors and a robust decision-making framework can help mitigate these effects, ensuring decisions are still sound and timely.
Diplomacy and Communication: Effective communication skills are vital for addressing the public, negotiating with foreign leaders, and working with Congress. Diplomatic acumen is necessary for managing international relations and representing the U.S. on the global stage.
- Impact: Aging can affect verbal fluency, making it harder to articulate thoughts clearly. Hearing loss and other sensory declines can also impact communication abilities.
- Adaptation: Using clear and concise communication tools, relying more on written communication, and ensuring supportive environments for important discussions can help maintain effective diplomacy.
Understanding of Government and Policy: A thorough understanding of the U.S. government, its functions, and the policy-making process is essential. This includes knowledge of domestic and foreign policy issues.
- Impact: Memory decline may affect the ability to recall detailed policy information or past decisions. Executive functions, including the ability to plan and organize complex information, can also decline.
- Adaptation: Regular briefings, detailed notes, and the support of knowledgeable aides can help an aging leader stay informed and organized.
Ethical Judgment and Integrity: The president is expected to uphold high ethical standards and demonstrate integrity in both personal conduct and official duties. This includes avoiding conflicts of interest and acting in the nation’s best interest.
- Impact: While ethical principles are generally stable, cognitive decline can affect complex decision-making and the ability to foresee the long-term consequences of actions.
- Adaptation: Relying on trusted advisors and maintaining transparency in decision-making processes can help uphold ethical standards.
Management and Delegation: The ability to manage a large executive branch and delegate responsibilities effectively is crucial. This includes appointing capable individuals to key positions and overseeing their performance.
- Impact: Aging can affect multitasking abilities and the speed of processing information, making it harder to manage a large team effectively.
- Adaptation: Delegating more responsibilities to trusted team members and focusing on high-level oversight rather than day-to-day management can help maintain effective leadership.
Problem-Solving and Adaptability: The president must be adept at problem-solving and adaptable to changing circumstances. This includes responding to unforeseen events and crises with appropriate strategies.
- Impact: Cognitive decline can reduce creativity and the ability to think outside the box, making it harder to develop innovative solutions to new problems.
- Adaptation: Encouraging a culture of collaborative problem-solving and seeking diverse perspectives can help compensate for any decline in individual problem-solving abilities.
Mental and Physical Stamina: The demands of the presidency require substantial mental and physical stamina. The ability to handle the stress and long hours associated with the role is critical.
- Impact: Aging naturally reduces physical stamina and can also affect mental endurance, making it harder to maintain the long hours and high-stress environment of the presidency.
- Adaptation: Ensuring a healthy work-life balance, regular health check-ups, and a supportive environment can help maintain stamina.
Vision and Strategic Thinking: A clear vision for the country’s future and the ability to think strategically about long-term goals and challenges are important qualities for a president.
- Impact: Strategic thinking requires both a long-term perspective and the ability to synthesize complex information, both of which can be affected by cognitive decline.
- Adaptation: Regular strategic planning sessions with a diverse group of advisors can help maintain a clear and forward-looking vision.

Conclusion

Aging and cognitive decline are natural processes that affect everyone to varying degrees. While it’s essential to differentiate between normal age-related changes and cognitive diseases, it’s equally important to consider the ethical implications of restricting older individuals from certain roles or activities. Normal aging and cognitive decline can also impact the aptitudes and skills necessary for the presidency, necessitating various strategies and adaptations to help mitigate these effects. By leveraging the support of a capable team, utilizing clear communication tools, and maintaining a focus on health and well-being, an aging president can continue to perform their duties effectively.

Wealth and Honor