Page 8 of 14

Calling Aging Parents, the “New Children” is demeaning and ageist.

July 10, 2020 / drussellcfp

A recent Fox Business News report that otherwise does an admirable job of discussing the challenges faced by families with aging parents nevertheless steps over the line with the title of its report. While likely unintentional, the title of the story – “Aging parents are the new ‘children’ | Fox Business – is demeaning to older adults who are already fighting to preserve their dignity and overcome ageist attitudes towards them.

Referring to aging parents as “children” instead of simply older adults, or adults with limitations, reinforces negative stereotypes about older people that have been shown to contribute to their poor health and more rapid decline.

A 2015 article in the Journal of Geriatrics titled, Stereotypes of Aging: Their Effects on the Health of Older Adults, discusses several studies that affirm the health benefits of healthy age stereotypes (messaging) as well as the harmful effects of negative stereotypes. For example, subjects primed with more negative stereotypes such as sick, needy, dependent, burdensome, and childlike, were more likely to suffer from memory loss, hypertension, coronary disease, and depression, than subjects primed with positive messaging such as wise, valuable, experienced. Those who were exposed to negative stereotypes at home died on average seven years before those who received positive reinforcement.

Nearly all of the world’s wisdom traditions include honoring the old as a core tenant of belief and practice. Negative stereotypes and demeaning labels such as being called a child does little to bring honor to those whose guidance, advice, comfort, affirmation, and support we earnestly sought for years.

Otherwise, the report contains a lot of useful tips for families.

Source: Aging parents are the new ‘children’ | Fox Business

Court of Appeals Affirms That Will Was Product of Undue Influence

July 9, 2020 / drussellcfp

The Law Firm of Faegre Drinker Biddle & Reath LLP, recently published the trial court results of a case involving a charge of Undue Influence brought by the two adult children of William Moriarty.

Mr. Moriarty was widowed in April 2016. William had been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and congestive heart failure following Doreen’s death. Eve, who had been married three times previously and had met William while Doreen was alive, began dating him within weeks after Doreen’s death.

Afterward, Cathy and Paula noticed a marked change in their relationship with their father, though they did not learn of his and Eve’s relationship until soon before they were married. Eve and William married about seven months after Doreen’s death, and neither Cathy nor Paula were invited to, or attended, the wedding.

From firing William’s caregiver to procuring a new will for him through her own lawyer, Eve also was named as joint owner of a new, large home purchase shortly after their marriage, as well as of a new $60,000 Lexus.

Relying on an expert witness, the court determined that William’s physical and psychological impairments made him vulnerable to undue influence.

The trial court was convinced that Eve exercised undue influence over William due to multiple facts presented at trial, including the dramatic shift in his estate plan only one month before his death and Eve’s involvement in procuring his will and surrendering his life insurance policy. The trial court was less than impressed with Eve’s demeanor in court, noting her “flat affect during emotional testimony,” which left the court “with no confidence that Eve married William because she loved him and with the conclusion that Eve planned to take all of William’s money all along.”

Ultimately, the trial court declared that the purported will was invalid due to William’s lack of capacity and Eve’s undue influence over him, and it ordered that William’s estate be distributed as if he had died intestate.

The court also ordered Eve to transfer title of bank accounts, the house and the car — all of which she otherwise would have received as a joint owner — to William’s estate.

Source: Court of Appeals Affirms That Will Was Product of Undue Influence | Publications | Insights | Faegre Drinker Biddle & Reath LLP

American Bankers Association Releases the “Mind Your Loved Ones” App

May 5, 2020 / drussellcfp

Few things sound as bad as being in the hospital alone. Healthcare workers have become surrogate mothers, fathers, friends, and children, in this new-normal of self-sequestered living. To exacerbate matters, hospitals are often in need of critical medical documents such as emergency contacts, healthcare directives, DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) Orders and the like.

To help with the latter problem, the American Bankers Association (ABA) has released its Mind On Your Loved Ones App that allows family members to store this critical information on their smart phone or tablet, and share it with medical professionals and hospitals if they cannot be present.

Having this information in the hands of those we’ve entrusted to carry out our wishes if we’re unable to speak for ourselves is important. Even more so now that we cannot be assured that our loved ones will be at our side if current events prevent it.

Mind Your Loved Ones, known as MYLO, is a mobile app that gives individuals the ability to store their own and their loved one’s critical medical information, health care directives, and other related data on their Apple or Android phones, iPads® or tablets. ABA members can download the app at a discounted price.

Source: MYLO – Mind Your Loved Ones

Am I liable for losses in my parents’ accounts during the COVID crisis?

April 27, 2020 / drussellcfp

If you manage your parents’ investment accounts because they are not capable, you may have watched helplessly the past several weeks as their stocks fell by thirty percent or more from the S&P 500 index highs in mid-February to its low point so far on March 23rd.

They say blood is thicker than water, but money is thicker than blood in my experience, so if you are managing your parents’ accounts, you may have concerns that either they or some extended family members may feel you should have done something to prevent the declines in your parents’ accounts.

In this video, I offer three tips to lessen your exposure to liability.

The Financial Impact of Dementia

April 23, 2020 / drussellcfp

In the video below, Robert Powell, editor of The Street’s Retirement Daily, and Angie O’Leary, head of wealth management with RBC Wealth Management, talked about the need to plan ahead for the possibility of dementia and the type of plans to put in place.

According to O’Leary, the plan should include having key legal documents – a power of attorney, healthcare directive, and will – in place as well as having assets properly titled and beneficiary designations current. Consider too, she said, the benefits of a trust and professional executor services, as well as supplemental insurance, including long-term care options.

O’Leary also noted the need to understand early warning signs and, after a diagnosis, acting swiftly to protect the family from financial missteps, abuse and liability.

Having a plan is essential, and key legal documents—a power of attorney, healthcare directive, and will—should be in place.

Source: The Financial Impact of Dementia – TheStreet

If you are struggling through the financial transitions of aging, Wealth and Honor is here to provide you with resources to help you and your family through it.

Do you really want to be an executor?

March 5, 2020 / drussellcfp

You may find that you have been named as executor (executrix if you are female) of your parents’ will. After reading the duties below, you may not want the job. It is a tiring, time-consuming, and frequently a thankless responsibility that you may want to resign from– and certainly have the right to do so.

Some of the more important duties and responsibilities of being an executor include:

Find the latest will and read it.
File a petition with the court to probate the will.
Assemble all the decedent’s assets.
Take possession of safe deposit box contents.
Consult with banks and savings and loans in the area to find all accounts of the deceased. Also check for cash and other valuables hidden around the home.
Transfer all securities to your name (as executor) and continue to collect dividends and interest on behalf of the heirs of the deceased.
Find, inventory and protect household and personal effects and other personal property.
Collect all life insurance proceeds payable to the estate.
Find and inventory all real estate deeds, mortgages, leases and tax information. Provide immediate management for rental properties.
Arrange ancillary administration for out-of-state property.
Collect monies owed the deceased and check interests in estates of other deceased persons.
Find and safeguard business interests, valuables, personal property, important papers, the residence, etc.
Inventory all assets and arrange for appraisal of those for which it is appropriate.
Determine liquidity needs. Assemble bookkeeping records. Review investment portfolio. Sell appropriate assets.
Pay valid claims against the estate. Reject improper claims and defend the estate, if necessary.
Pay state and federal taxes due.
File income tax returns for the decedent and the estate.
Determine whether the estate qualifies for special use valuation under IRC Sec. 2032A, the qualified family-owned business interest deduction under IRC Sec. 2057 or deferral of estate taxes under IRC Sees. 6161 or 6166.
If the surviving spouse is not a U.S. citizen, consider a qualified domestic trust to defer the payment of federal estate taxes.
File federal estate tax return and state death and/or inheritance tax return.
Prepare statement of all receipts and disbursements. Pay attorney’s fees and executor’s commissions. Assist the attorney in defending the estate, if necessary.
Distribute specific bequests and the residue; obtain tax releases and receipts as directed by the court.
Establish a testamentary trust (or pour over into a living trust), where appropriate.

If you find the task to be too over-whelming, talk to your parents about it if you can. Examine their wills to see if anyone is named as an alternate and discuss these duties with that person. You may even find that the person(s) named as executor are no longer living; or they may have named a bank trust department with which they no longer do business. If you feel it is a duty that you can and want to do, be sure to contact a qualified lawyer in your parents’ state of residence to help you in the process.

5 Reasons I Regret Filing A Will Contest

February 27, 2020 / drussellcfp

When a family member has died, it can add insult to injury to learn that you were cut out of the will. Contesting the will is likely an initial thought. We talked to people who have filed will contests, and came up with the top 5 reasons I regret filing a will contest. The reasons are:

I was not honest about my relationship with the decedent.
A will contest is more stressful than I realized.
I was not realistic about decedent’s mental and physical condition.
I did not have a clear idea of what I was fighting over.
I did not realize how much a will contest would cost.

For a breakdown of each of these five reasons, follow the source below.

Source: 5 Reasons I Regret Filing A Will Contest | Probate Stars

Deciding which sibling deals with “nursing home stuff.”

February 20, 2020 / drussellcfp

Very few of us want to intrude in our parents’ lives. It is only when we begin to notice certain “things” about Mom and Dad that we begin to consider stepping in. Problems such as memory loss, dementia, diminished sight or hearing, or irrational investment or spending decisions, are signs it’s time to intervene. Plus, none of us is immortal. As your parents reach their 80’s, it is time to make sure their financial house is in order. My observation is that loved ones who are quick to provide care and support for their aging parents are often hesitant to get involved with Mom and Dad’s financial affairs. You just don’t stick your nose into other people’s business, especially your parents’ business. The aging parent often contributes to this reluctance. Opening up this part of their life is difficult; an admission that maybe they aren’t as sharp as they used to be.

Once you’ve made the decision to get more involved, several questions must be answered:

What needs to be done? What is the appropriate level of care and/or type of living arrangement? The answer depends on both medical and financial considerations. Often this decision is made after consultation with your parent’s physician or a geriatric care manager.
Who will be in charge? Unless you are an only child, in which case the answer is you, this task frequently falls to the sibling who lives closest to the area where your parent resides. Sometimes, you and your siblings will decide to share the responsibilities. In other instances, the sibling with special skills or aptitudes may be chosen. Sometimes, the job goes to the sibling who feels the most obligated. It’s a tough, emotionally draining job, so whoever is in charge will need lots of support.

For one Lansing, Michigan family, the adult children of local couple Ron and Lydia Barnes stated Monday that it was pretty clear which sibling would be handling all the nursing home stuff. “When the day comes, Sarah is obviously the one who will explain to Mom and Dad that it’s time for them to pack up and move into a retirement facility,” said Andy Barnes, 35, referring to his older sister, whom he identified as the one who calls the most often and has “even driven them to the rheumatologist once or twice.”

“It’s a Sarah thing, for sure. She can handle those things easily enough: finding the right place, signing them up, dropping them off, stopping by regularly, making sure the bill gets paid on time. I actually think she’d kind of like doing it.” Sources confirmed that Ron and Lydia are hoping for Sarah as well, since the prospect of depending on one of their other children for care “absolutely terrifies [them].”

Source: Pretty Obvious Which Sibling Going To Have To Deal With All The Nursing Home Stuff

Not So Green Acres

February 17, 2020 / drussellcfp

In this episode of The Case Files, I profile a 2010 Texas case involving a daughter’s misappropriation of her deceased father’s trust funds as well as her aging mother’s personal assets. The characters from the 1960s sitcom Green Acres provide a little humor to an otherwise serious situation. Enjoy and learn!

https://youtu.be/cVZsNE85HbE

Sweethearts Forever. Then came Alzheimer’s and a tragic ending to their love story.

February 14, 2020 / drussellcfp

It’s a suitable Valentine story that is as saccharine sweet as it is painfully tragic. Richard and Alma Shaver were childhood friends and high school sweethearts who eloped at eighteen. They were described as soulmates who were madly in love with one another. Richard became an engineer, they raised three daughters, Alma led Girl Scout troops and became the go-to person in the neighborhood for emergency contact.

A few years back, Alma was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and the silent thief lay siege to Alma’s mind. She went from forgetting recently completed tasks to not recognizing her children, and ultimately not recognizing Richard. It was more than he could take.

On a warm day last June, while Alma was sleeping, Richard went upstairs to their bedroom and shot his beloved wife dead. Then he lay down beside her and shot himself.

It was not the ending that his family had hoped for, but they console themselves that they are not having to endure a murder trial. They held a memorial service and celebrated the happier lives that they had known with their parents. Perhaps this family’s tragedy and other less-tragic but equally painful deaths caused by this disease will lead to more open discussions on death with dignity laws.

On this day for lovers, embrace your partner, and tell him or her that you will be there for them if they are visited by the silent thief, but that you will not participate in a tragic end to their life or yours. It only perpetuates the pain for those we may leave behind.

Source

Nytimes.com. (2020). Sweethearts Forever. Then Came Alzheimer’s, Murder and Suicide.. [online] Available at: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/12/29/nyregion/alzheimers-murder-suicide.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share.

Wealth and Honor