Wealth and Honor

Helping Families Navigate the Financial Challenges of Age Transitions

Category: Fiduciary Issues (Page 1 of 3)

Fool Me Once, Shame on You. Fool Me Twice…

April 24, 2025 /

Family disputes over inheritance can be messy, emotional, and, as demonstrated in the California Court of Appeal case LINTZ v LINTZ, costly. This case serves as a cautionary tale, highlighting the importance of clear communication, professional advice, and understanding the concept of undue influence when it comes to estate planning. While we won’t delve into legal advice, let’s explore some of the missteps made and how families can potentially avoid similar situations.

The Case Overview

In Lintz v. Lintz, the central figures are Robert, a real estate developer worth millions, his third wife, Lois, and his children, Susan and James, from his second marriage. Interestingly, Lois was also Robert’s first wife, albeit for a brief six-month period. Robert had a complicated estate plan established before remarrying Lois in 2005. After their remarriage, Robert amended his trust several times, increasingly favoring Lois. Eventually, a new trust, the Lintz Family Revocable Trust, was created. This trust designated all of Robert’s property as community property, gave Lois an exclusive life interest in the estate, and even allowed her to disinherit one of Robert’s children and leave any unspent assets to her own children. Critically, this trust was not prepared by Robert’s long-standing attorney, but by Lois’ attorney at her direction.

After Robert’s death, Susan and James challenged the trust, alleging financial elder abuse, breach of fiduciary duty, conversion, constructive trust, and undue influence. The court found Lois liable for financial elder abuse, breach of fiduciary duty, and conversion of separate property. While the court found Robert had the testamentary capacity to execute the trust instruments, it also found Lois liable for undue influence in procuring Robert’s estate plans.

Missteps and Missed Opportunities

Several factors contributed to the unfortunate outcome in this case. Let’s examine some key areas:

  • Lack of Transparency: The increasing shift of assets towards Lois, especially the designation of all property as community property, appears to have occurred without clear communication or understanding from all parties involved. Open discussions about estate planning decisions can help prevent misunderstandings and suspicions.
  • Sudden Changes in Estate Planning: The series of trust amendments that increasingly favored Lois, culminating in the Lintz Family Revocable Trust, should have raised red flags. While people are free to change their estate plans, drastic and frequent alterations, especially when influenced by a new relationship, warrant careful scrutiny.
  • Disregarding Professional Advice: The fact that Robert signed the Lintz Family Revocable Trust against the advice of his own counsel is a significant misstep. Seeking and heeding professional advice from experienced estate planning attorneys can help ensure that decisions are made with full understanding and are free from undue influence.
  • The “Community Property” Assumption: Designating all of Robert’s property as community property, especially given that he had significant assets before the marriage, is a complex legal issue. It’s crucial to understand the implications of community property laws and how they affect estate planning.
  • Attorney Conflict of Interest: The Lintz Family Revocable Trust was prepared by Lois’ attorney, not Robert’s. This raises serious questions about potential conflicts of interest and whether Robert received truly independent legal advice.
  • Isolation and Control: The court noted that Lois misinformed Robert’s lawyers of his wishes and ultimately discontinued their services under the pretext of a fee dispute. This suggests a level of control and isolation that can be indicative of undue influence.
Understanding Undue Influence

The concept of undue influence is central to this case. Undue influence, in the context of estate planning, refers to a situation where someone exerts pressure or control over another person, overcoming their free will and causing them to make decisions they wouldn’t otherwise make.

While direct evidence of undue influence is rare, courts often consider circumstantial evidence, such as:

  • The vulnerability of the person being influenced: Was Robert in a weakened state, either physically or emotionally, that made him susceptible to Lois’s influence?
  • The influencer’s opportunity to exert influence: Did Lois have close and constant contact with Robert, giving her ample opportunity to influence his decisions?
  • The influencer’s motive: Did Lois stand to benefit significantly from the changes to Robert’s estate plan?
  • Whether the result was unnatural: Were the changes to Robert’s estate plan inconsistent with his previous wishes or relationships with his children?
Legal Capacity vs. Undue Influence

It’s important to distinguish between legal capacity and undue influence. The court in Lintz v. Lintz found that Robert had the legal capacity to execute the trust documents. Legal capacity refers to a person’s ability to understand the nature and consequences of their actions. In estate planning, it means understanding that you are signing a will or trust, knowing what property you own, and understanding your relationship to the people who will inherit from you.

Even if someone has legal capacity, they can still be subject to undue influence. Undue influence is about how the decision was made, not whether the person understood the decision. It’s about whether their free will was overcome by someone else’s pressure or control.

Preventing Similar Situations

So, how can families prevent similar situations from arising? Here are some practical steps:

  • Open Communication: Encourage open and honest conversations about estate planning decisions.
  • Independent Legal Advice: Ensure that all parties involved have access to independent legal counsel.
  • Maintain Relationships: Encourage the person making estate planning decisions to maintain relationships with family and friends.
  • Document Everything: Keep detailed records of all estate planning decisions, including the reasons for those decisions.
  • Be Vigilant: Be aware of any sudden or drastic changes in estate planning, especially if they seem out of character.
  • Avoid Conflicts of Interest: Ensure that attorneys representing individuals in estate planning matters are free from conflicts of interest.

The Lintz v. Lintz case serves as a stark reminder of the importance of careful estate planning and the potential for family disputes when things go wrong. By fostering open communication, seeking professional advice, understanding the concepts of undue influence and legal capacity, and avoiding potential conflicts of interest, families can take steps to protect their loved ones and prevent similar unfortunate outcomes.

Little Red Riding Hood: A Cautionary Tale from a California Case. 

April 17, 2025 /
[De Anda v. Guillen; California Court of Appeals, Second District, First Division, Decided Apr 21, 2023]

Imagine trusting a loved one, only to discover they’ve betrayed that trust by exploiting your finances. This is the heartbreaking reality one grandmother, Julianne De Anda [Substitute Name] faced when her granddaughter, “Lisa Guillon [Substitute Name], misappropriated a $375,000 construction loan meant for De Anda‘s home remodel, using it for personal expenses and a failing business. The De Anda v. Guillon case serves as a stark reminder of the vulnerabilities our aging loved ones face. By understanding the details of this case, we can better equip ourselves to identify potential issues and prevent similar situations from affecting our own families.  

Key Findings and Preventative Measures

his case offers several key insights that can help families protect their aging loved ones from financial exploitation: 

  1. The Importance of Open Communication: In the De Anda case, the initial agreement seemed reasonable: housing and care in exchange for home improvements. However, the lack of clear, documented agreements and open communication paved the way for misunderstandings and abuse. The court noted that it was unclear to what extent the parties agreed that Guillon would be allowed to live in the home indefinitely, or that she would inherit the home entirely when De Anda died.


    Preventative Measure:     Encourage open and honest conversations about finances, living arrangements, and care plans. Regular family meetings can provide a platform for discussing concerns and making informed decisions together. Document all agreements in writing, with the assistance of legal counsel. 

  2. Be Wary of Joint Tenancy: Guillon persuaded De Anda that a joint tenancy was necessary for the loan. This highlights the danger of elders signing legal documents without fully understanding the implications. The court found that Guillon “persuaded” De Anda that she would not be able to obtain a loan to finance the Pasadena home remodel unless De Anda “deeded half the house to [Guillon] as joint tenants in common with the right of survivorship.”

    Preventative Measure:     Before signing any legal or financial document, especially those involving property, ensure your loved one seeks independent legal and financial advice. A neutral professional can explain the terms and potential risks. Emphasize that joint tenancy can have significant consequences, including loss of control over the property.
     
  3. Monitor Finances: One of the most alarming aspects of this case was the misappropriation of funds. Guillon commingled the construction loan with her personal and business accounts, making it difficult to track. The court found that “Without any accounting, [Guillon] commingled construction money, Taco Factory money, her personal funds, [and] personal and business loans.”

    Preventative Measure:     If you are helping manage an elder’s finances, maintain meticulous records. Use separate accounts for specific purposes (e.g., a dedicated account for the remodel). Regularly review bank statements and credit card bills for any unusual activity. Set up alerts for large withdrawals or transfers.
  4. Trust Your Instincts: De Anda’s children discovered the fraud when they noticed irregularities in her bank accounts and a forged document. This underscores the importance of paying attention to red flags. The court noted that De Anda’s ATM card was missing, as was over $200,000.

    Preventative Measure:     If something feels off, investigate. Don’t dismiss your concerns, even if the person involved is a family member. Trust your instincts and seek professional help if needed. Encourage other family members to stay involved and voice their concerns.
  5. The Danger of Undue Influence: The court found that Guillon exerted undue influence over De Anda, leading her to make decisions that were not in her best interest. The court noted Guillon’s foreclosure, multiple debts, a prior judgment against her, and virtually no cash or assets other than the joint tenancy she had persuaded De Anda to grant her.

    Preventative Measure:     Be aware of situations where an elder is isolated or overly reliant on one individual. Encourage them to maintain social connections and seek advice from multiple sources. Watch for signs of manipulation or coercion.
  6. Professional Oversight: The construction project in the De Anda case lacked proper oversight, which allowed Guillon to mismanage funds and leave the remodel incomplete. The court found that “two-thirds of the [remodel] loan money had been spent before building permits had been pulled.”

    Preventative Measure:     When undertaking significant projects like home renovations, involve reputable contractors and professionals. Obtain multiple bids, check references, and ensure contracts are clear and detailed. Consider hiring a project manager to oversee the work and finances. 

Recognizing Financial Elder Abuse: Financial elder abuse often involves subtle manipulation and deception. It’s crucial to recognize the signs, which can include: 

  1. Sudden changes in financial habits 
  2. Unexplained withdrawals or transfers 
  3. Newfound isolation from family and friends 
  4. Unusual interest in the elder’s assets by a caregiver 
  5. Reluctance to discuss financial matters 

The De Anda v. Guillon case serves as a stark reminder of the vulnerabilities our aging loved ones face. Not only did this separate a grandmother from her granddaughter, but the entire family was fractured by this event.

By learning from this unfortunate situation, we can take proactive steps to protect our elders from financial exploitation. Open communication, careful monitoring, and a healthy dose of skepticism can go a long way in safeguarding their personal and financial well-being.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Consult with a qualified legal professional for advice tailored to your specific situation. 

Sibling Rivalry and Trust Troubles: Removing a Trustee for Being a Pain

April 10, 2025 /

Family trusts are often established with the best intentions: to secure a family’s legacy, ensure a smooth transfer of wealth, and provide for future generations. However, what happens when the individuals entrusted to manage these assets—often family members themselves—find themselves embroiled in conflict? A 2020 Texas case, Ramirez v. Rodriguez, [No. 04-19-00618-CV; Fourth Court of Appeals; San Antonio, Texas; Decided Feb 19, 2020] offers a compelling example of how family dynamics can undermine even the most well-intentioned estate plans. 

The Ramirez Family: A Texas Story ​

The Ramirez family’s story is possibly a classic Texas tale. While the court transcripts do not provide detailed information about the family’s history or the reasons behind the creation of the trust, we can speculate that over generations, they accumulated significant land holdings, primarily used for ranching. The discovery of oil and gas on their property transformed their fortunes. As wise stewards of their newfound wealth, the Ramirez family may have recognized the importance of preserving their assets for future generations. Rather than dividing the mineral royalties into smaller, fractured interests among numerous heirs, they made the prudent decision to create a trust. This trust was designed to consolidate the management of the royalty interests, ensuring a stable and consistent income stream for the family for years to come. 

The Setup: A Family Affair

In 1977, the Ramirez family established the Ramirez Mineral Trust to manage their oil, gas, and mineral interests. The trust agreement appointed four co-trustees, all family members, and stipulated that any action required the agreement of three out of the four. By 2008, the co-trustees were Santiago, Sonia, Victor, and Javier. This arrangement, intended to provide balanced oversight, eventually became a source of significant conflict. 

The Plot Thickens: Accusations and Lawsuits

The situation began to deteriorate when Santiago and Ancient Sunlight, Ltd. (a company linked to the trust) filed a lawsuit against Sonia in 2019, alleging breach of fiduciary duty and breach of trust. The other co-trustees—Sonia, Victor, and Javier—responded with a petition to remove Santiago as co-trustee, citing “other cause for removal” under the Texas Trust Code. 

The accusations against Santiago were numerous and detailed. He was accused of sending unauthorized communications, undermining trust operations, and alienating key stakeholders. While many of these actions might seem like minor disagreements, some rose to the level of significantly disrupting the trust’s operations. 

Disruptive Actions: Examples from the Case

One key example was Santiago’s communication with the trust’s former accountants. He sent letters and emails, without the authority of the other co-trustees, questioning their services and fees. This not only created a hostile environment but also led the accountants to decline further engagement with the trust. As a result, the trust incurred additional legal fees to locate a new auditor, diverting resources away from its primary purpose. 

Another significant disruption involved Santiago’s communications with Chesapeake, a company involved in oil and gas operations on the trust’s land. Santiago attempted to negotiate with them independently, without the consensus of the other co-trustees. This undermined the trust’s collective decision-making process and created confusion and uncertainty for Chesapeake, potentially jeopardizing valuable business relationships. 

These actions, among others, painted a picture of Santiago as someone who was not only difficult to work with but was actively hindering the trust’s ability to function effectively. 

The Legal Tango: Citizens Participation Act

Santiago argued that the lawsuit against him was an attack on his right to free speech and right to petition. He sought to dismiss the case under the Texas Citizens Participation Act, but the trial court didn’t rule in time, and the motion was denied by operation of law. 

The appeals court then had to decide whether the trial court’s denial was correct. The key question: Did Sonia, Victor, and Javier present enough evidence to establish a “prima facie case” that Santiago’s actions warranted his removal? 

The Verdict: Hostility Impeding Performance

The court sided with Sonia, Victor, and Javier. They found that Santiago’s actions were impeding the proper performance of the Trust. The court highlighted emails and letters demonstrating Santiago’s unilateral actions, his accusations of “conflicts, concealment, [and] corruption,” and his overall disruptive behavior. 

The Takeaway: Family, Finances, and Fiduciary Duty

This case underscores the challenges that arise when family members are appointed as co-trustees, especially when personal agendas and conflicting opinions come into play. While the Ramirez family’s initial decision to create a trust was a wise one, the selection of co-trustees ultimately led to significant conflict and operational challenges. 

A Better Solution?

Perhaps it’s time to consider professional trustees. Independent fiduciaries bring expertise, impartiality, and a focus on the best interests of the beneficiaries. They can navigate complex financial decisions, manage disputes, and ensure that the trust operates smoothly, without the added drama of family dynamics. 

While it might seem impersonal, a professional trustee can be the key to preserving family wealth and avoiding the kind of legal battles that can tear families apart. Sometimes, the best way to ensure a trust fulfills its intended purpose is to bring in a neutral party who can focus on the bottom line, without getting caught in the crossfire of family disagreements. 

Hollywood Cases Highlight the Benefits of Long Term Care Trusts.

March 4, 2025 /

When planning for long-term care, many individuals focus on purchasing insurance or setting aside assets to cover future expenses. However, financial abuse and mismanagement can derail even the best-laid plans. A long-term care trust offers a structured, protective approach to ensuring that funds are used appropriately, especially when an individual is no longer able to manage their own affairs.

What Is a Long-Term Care Trust?

A long-term care trust is a standby revocable trust designed to provide financial oversight for an individual’s long-term care needs. While the settlor (the person creating the trust) is capable, they retain control over the trust assets. However, the trust includes springing provisions—legal language that allows a successor trustee to step in and take over management if the settlor is deemed incapacitated.

The trust can own various assets, including long-term care insurance policies, life insurance policies with long-term care riders, and liquid assets designated for care-related expenses. Once the successor trustee takes over, they are responsible for filing insurance claims, paying expenses from the trust, and managing trust assets to ensure care needs are met.

Lessons from the John Amos and Mickey Rooney Cases

One of the most compelling reasons to consider a long-term care trust is to prevent financial exploitation, as tragically illustrated in the John Amos and Mickey Rooney cases.

John Amos, a well-known actor, who died in 2014, has been called a victim of elder financial abuse by his adult children, each claiming that the abuse was perpetrated by the other. 

Mickey Rooney, another famous actor, provided powerful testimony before Congress about the financial abuse he endured in his later years. Rooney described how he was isolated, financially exploited, and left without access to his own money. His testimony shed light on the widespread issue of elder financial abuse and the devastating impact it can have on an individual’s dignity and well-being.

A long-term care trust may have helped prevent such abuse by placing financial oversight in the hands of a designated trustee rather than leaving assets vulnerable to manipulation by infighting siblings or self-serving outsiders. With a properly structured trust, all care-related expenses are managed transparently and according to predefined terms, reducing the risk of unauthorized withdrawals or misuse.

Key Benefits of a Long-Term Care Trust

  1. Ensures Funds Are Used for Care Needs
    By designating a trust to own long-term care policies and other assets, funds are explicitly earmarked for care expenses. This prevents potential misappropriation by well-meaning but financially strained family members.

  2. Streamlines Insurance Claims and Payments
    Managing long-term care insurance claims can be overwhelming, especially when a person is already facing health challenges. The trustee, as the legal owner of the policy, handles all paperwork, ensuring that claims are filed correctly and benefits are used as intended.

  3. Protects Against Financial Exploitation
    With a structured oversight system in place, there is a clear fiduciary duty to manage funds appropriately. The trustee must follow the trust’s terms, keeping records and providing transparency that minimizes opportunities for fraud or undue influence.

  4. Reduces Family Conflicts and Burdens
    Family members often struggle with decisions about paying for care, especially when different parties have competing financial interests. A long-term care trust provides clear guidelines, removing ambiguity and reducing potential disputes.

  5. Offers Continuity and Professional Management
    If a person becomes incapacitated, the transition of financial management is seamless. The springing provision allows for immediate oversight by the successor trustee, avoiding court intervention or delays that could disrupt care.

Selecting the Right Trustee: The Case for a Professional

Perhaps the most critical decision when establishing a long-term care trust is choosing the right trustee. While some individuals select a family member, this can create conflicts of interest, emotional strain, and potential mismanagement. Instead, using a professional trustee—either an institutional trustee (such as a bank trust department) or an independent professional trustee—offers significant advantages:

  • Objectivity – A professional trustee is neutral and bound by fiduciary duties, making decisions based on the trust’s terms rather than personal interests.

  • Expertise – Managing long-term care expenses requires financial, legal, and insurance knowledge that a professional trustee brings to the table.

  • Accountability – Unlike family members, professional trustees are legally required to keep records, report transactions, and manage funds prudently.

  • Reliability – Professionals are available long-term and will not face personal circumstances (such as illness or financial hardship) that might interfere with management duties.

A long-term care trust is a powerful tool for ensuring that assets are managed effectively, claims are handled properly, and financial abuse is prevented. By structuring the trust with springing provisions and selecting a professional trustee, individuals can safeguard their care needs and provide peace of mind for themselves and their families.

In a world where financial abuse and care mismanagement are real threats, a well-crafted long-term care trust offers a practical, protective, and proactive solution. Whether planning for yourself or helping a loved one, considering this option is a smart financial move that can make all the difference when it matters most.

When Mom or Dad Want to Marry…at 80!

February 14, 2025 /

It’s Valentine’s week and romance is in the air. One of the joys I get from lunching with Mom at her retirement community is to hear the latest gossip about the budding romances among the residents, most of whom are well into their 80’s and 90’s. There have been more than a few marriages that result from these new relationships, most occurring after a fairly brief courtship. As one fellow remarked to me one day, “son, at our age, it’s dangerous to buy greenn bananas.”

If you are the adult child of an aging parent who also happens to be single, you may one day be introduced to a “special friend” in their life. Normally, your reaction may be something like, “how cute” or “way to go Dad” but if the relationship quickly becomes more serious or if you’re suddenly asked to give your blessing to their marriage, this can be a very troubling event. In preparation for writing this article, I googled “aging parent wants to get remarried” and most of the search results were forum posts from adult children seeking advice on how to deal with Mom or Dad’s new romance that has gone from sweet to sour because now they want to get married!

All sorts of questions run through your mind and you may find yourself experiencing anger, fear, or resentment at the prospect of this person interrupting Mom or Dad’s perfectly lonely existence. Somewhere in-between the extremes of “I forbid it” (like that’s gonna work) and “It’s your life, do what you want” can be found a position of legitimate care for their happiness and concern that they not be hurt by the experience. Recently a judge intervened in the marriage of a couple in their mid-nineties due to concerns expressed by the bride’s daughter questioning the marriage’s legitimacy.

In his article titled “How to Deal With an Elderly Parent’s Remarriage – Resolving Issues” author and financial advisor Michael Lewis, gives some wise advice when talking to your aging parent about their choice to remarry late in life.

  • Be Respectful. You are speaking with the one remaining person who brought you into this world and who will always love you.

  • Try to Put Yourself In Your Parent’s Position. They are trying to make the best of a very difficult situation. They seek your blessing and understanding, so listen carefully and thoughtfully before making your own point or expressing your doubts.

  • Avoid Accusations, Recriminations, and Ultimatums. Your parent has already experienced and worked through the guilt often associated with remarriage after the death of the spouse.

  • Curb Your Instincts to Attack or Belittle Your Parent’s Choice of Mate. It is never a good idea to potentially offend your mother or father in such a petty manner.

On the other hand, there may be legitimate concerns about Mom or Dad’s new relationship. Studies show that as we age our brain’s ability to make sound judgments becomes impaired. This is not necessarily dementia, just biology. Most state laws include an elderly person in a group called “vulnerable adults” because of this biological fact.  

Three factors contribute to the vulnerability of an older person: diminished capacity, lack of informed consent, and undue influence. Each of these could be at work in an older person’s romantic relationship and any one of them would give question to the legitimacy of a marriage. For example, if Mom has diminished capacity – a condition that may have to be proven by a qualified physician – she might not have the legal capacity to enter into a marriage contract. Or suppose she has capacity but was not given enough information to give informed consent when she signed over control of her assets to her new spouse in a durable power of attorney. Or maybe she did know exactly what she was doing but signed the power of attorney to her new spouse anyway because he told her if she did not sign it, he would not take care of her in her old age, which would be subjecting her to undue influence. 

The best way to prevent either of these vulnerabilities from hurting either party is to have an honest conversation with your parent about your concerns. If you sense this new “special” person has interests other than companionship, then intervention might be required, but hopefully this can be avoided by remaining respectful of each of them and involving neutral parties. While keeping in mind the points that Michael Lewis makes above, I suggest a meeting with other family members and a neutral mediator.

Ask Mom or Dad if they are open to discussing their marriage with a family counselor, clergy member, or attorney.  It could be that a more neutral party will come across as less threatening than you and they may be more willing to listen to that person than to you.  Speak openly about your concerns over property and other assets. Even if you have blessed the marriage and no sign of the three areas of vulnerability are evident, they will likely be unaware or unconcerned about property and financial division. Have them meet with an estate attorney or other qualified advisor who can help them understand the complexities of blending two financial households. Once they realize the burden this might place on their surviving children, they will more likely be willing to take the appropriate steps.

It seems that many adult children assume the proper role of a parent who becomes widowed late in life is to just remain that way for the rest of their life. In doing so, we diminish their dignity by denying them the companionship and affection that they enjoyed for 50 or 60 years as if that need vanishes when their spouse predeceases them. Instead, we could adopt the same position as we might with our own adult children: blessing a relationship that makes them happy while protecting them if we can from those that might hurt them. It’s a delicate balancing act on either end of the age spectrum. 

Preparing for the Care of Pets

December 10, 2024 /

I am an 85 year old widow with one daughter who is estranged from me and will not inherit from my estate. My accountant tells me I have more than enough to take care of me for life. My concern is for my pets. I have several cats that I want to be sure are taken care of when I die or if I have to go to a nursing home. It would break my heart if they were separated or orphaned. One of my sitters has offered to care for them, but how can I be sure the money will be used for the care of my pets and not for personal gain?

Margaret B

Your pets have obviously been wonderful companions for you, especially since you are widowed and sadly, do not have a relationship with your daughter. Facing the reality of what will happen to your furry friends when you can no longer care for them is understandably daunting. Your concern for their well-being is admirable, and it’s wonderful to see how deeply you care for them. The good news is that there are several practical steps you can take to ensure that your pets are cared for in the way you desire, even after you are no longer able to do so.

Understanding Your Options

Your primary focus should be on establishing a plan that will guarantee your pets continued love, support, and care. Given that your daughter is estranged, it’s comforting to know that you have a pet sitter who is willing to step in. Before making any decisions, it’s essential to understand various options available to you.

  1. Pet Trusts: One of the most effective ways to ensure your pets are cared for according to your wishes is by establishing a pet trust. This legal arrangement allows you to set aside funds specifically for the care of your pets after you pass away or become unable to care for them. Pet trusts work by naming a trustee (which can be a trusted friend, family member, or professional) who will manage the funds you’ve allocated for your pets’ care. This can help ensure that the money is used exclusively for their welfare. Additionally, you can name a caregiver for your pets, such as your sitter, and provide them with specific instructions on how you want your pets to be treated.

Some key features of pet trusts include:

    • Accessibility: The funds are accessible to the caregiver for things like food, veterinary care, and any special needs your pets may have.
    • Oversight: A trustee can help monitor the use of funds, minimizing the risk of mismanagement.
    • Duration: Pet trusts can last for the duration of your pets’ lives, offering ongoing support.
  2. Incorporating Instructions in a Will: If establishing a pet trust feels overwhelming, you can also include instructions about your pets in your will. This can designate your sitter or another trusted friend as their caregiver after your passing. However, one downside to this approach is that funds for your pets’ care may not be as protected and may be used for unintended purposes.
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My Step-Brother is Trustee of My Trust – and I hate it!

November 19, 2024 /

I am a beneficiary of a trust created for me, my older sister, and my step-brother, "Sam" - the only son of my mother's late husband, Max. When Max died, there was a trust set up for Mom, and when Mom died, the trust continued for the benefit of the three of us. My step-brother "Sam" is the trustee and I hate it. It seems whenever I ask for something out of the trust, Sam goes out of his way to make my life difficult. I have to justify every request with a complete run down of my financial situation, including my bank account balance, what I owe on my car, even my credit card balance. It's embarrassing to have to undress financially in front of my step-brother every time I need something. Is there anything I can do to remove him or am I stuck in this arrangement?

Sandra T.

When it comes to family trusts, emotions can run high alongside financial considerations, especially in situations like this. Being a beneficiary of a trust is meant to provide financial support and security, but when the dynamics become strained—particularly with a family member serving as the trustee—things can become complicated.

Let’s explore the roles and responsibilities of a trustee, the challenges that can arise in family trusts, and potential steps you can take if the relationship with your trustee becomes problematic. It’s important to approach this topic with diplomacy, as family dynamics can be delicate and complex. Most lawyers will tell you that the courtroom should be the arbitor of last resort.

The Trustee's Role

To start, let’s clarify the primary responsibilities of a trustee. Trustees are individuals or institutions designated to administer the trust according to its terms and in the best interests of the beneficiaries. This includes managing trust assets, distributing funds as outlined in the trust agreement, and maintaining accurate records.

In your case, Sam, your step-brother, is serving as that trustee. Ideally, a trustee should act with transparency, fairness, and respect towards all beneficiaries. Unfortunately, family dynamics can complicate this role, and emotions may cloud judgment or lead to perceived unfairness. 

For example, the trust may require the trustee to determine whether a requested distribution to a beneficiary meets the support standards it establishes. This investigation when a family member is trustee can seem more invasive than if the trustee was a detached person or entity.

Understanding Your Position as a Beneficiary

As a beneficiary, you have rights to the trust assets as specified within the trust agreement. This generally means you are entitled to request distributions. However, it’s not uncommon for trustees to seek some financial context behind these requests, which can sometimes feel intrusive. While it may be reasonable for Sam to ask for some information to ensure that distributions align with the trust’s intent, it’s essential to find a balance that respects your privacy.

It’s important to communicate openly with Sam about how his requests make you feel. He may not realize the discomfort it causes you, and honest dialogue can sometimes alleviate such tensions.

Challenges of Family Dynamics

Family members often find themselves in roles that blur personal and professional lines, especially when money is involved. Your relationship with Sam as both a step-brother and trustee can make this situation even more delicate. Trust issues can arise not because of malice but due to misunderstandings, differing expectations, or even emotional responses stemming from loss.

When confronting challenges with a trustee, it can be beneficial to remind yourself that these situations are not uncommon. Many beneficiaries may experience frustrations around trust distributions, and seeking resolutions while maintaining family harmony can be particularly tricky.

If you feel that Sam’s actions are unreasonable or overly burdensome, consider these steps:

  1. Communicate Openly: Start with an open conversation. Share your feelings about the financial disclosures required for distributions. This can be a delicate conversation, but framing it in a way that emphasizes your discomfort can lead to a more constructive dialogue.

  2. Request Clarity on Trust Terms: Look into the terms of the trust. If it provides specific guidelines on distribution requests and the trustee’s responsibilities, it can help clarify what is fair and expected. While you may not have legal clarity, understanding these terms will bolster your position for further discussions.

  3. Seek Mediation: Sometimes, having a neutral third party, such as a family counselor or mediator, can help facilitate discussions. This person can serve as a mediator in contentious situations and help keep conversations constructive.

  4. Explore Legal Options: If discussions do not yield a satisfactory outcome, you may want to consult with a legal professional specializing in trusts. They can provide you with guidance on your rights as a beneficiary, the potential for removing a trustee, and the processes involved. It’s important to seek an informative consultation without assuming it leads to litigation.

  5. Document Everything: Keep records of your communications and requests. If things escalate or legal intervention becomes necessary, having a clear history can be invaluable. This documentation may also help if you need to present your case to a legal professional.

  6. Consider the Long-term Relationship: Before taking action that may significantly impact your relationship with Sam, carefully weigh the repercussions. Family ties are invaluable, and often taking a step back to assess the situation can promote healthier long-term dynamics.

Keeping the main thing the main thing

Navigating trust relationships, especially within families, can be fraught with complexities. It’s crucial to approach these situations with a blend of empathy, understanding, and assertiveness. As a beneficiary, remember that you have rights, but strive for a path that honors both those rights and your family relationships.

While you may feel constrained by your circumstances, open communication and informed actions can pave a way forward. You’re not alone in facing these difficulties; many beneficiaries encounter similar challenges. By seeking understanding and resolution, you can work toward a balanced outcome that honors both your needs and the trust’s intentions. Remember, seeking knowledge and support is a powerful step in ensuring that family and trust matters are handled with care.

Siblings concerned about Step-Mother’s Use of Trust Fund

September 26, 2024 /

My dad passed away about seven years ago and left a sizeable trust to his wife. The trust is supposed to take care of her for her life before passing to me and my three siblings when she dies. That's all we know about it. We think she is the trustee, but we've never asked because we want to avoid drama. We know she has other assets that she brought into the marriage so we hope she's not draining the trust at our expense. How do we go about finding out the details of this trust, such as how much is in it, what it's being used for, and who is in control of it?

Missy F

This is a tough but very common family situation, caused in part, by a lack of communication about your dad’s plan while he was living. When your dad passed away and left a trust for your stepmother, it undoubtedly added layers to an already emotional situation. Now, faced with uncertainty about the trust’s details and anxious about its potential impact on your inheritance, you’re understandably concerned.

Finding out about the specifics of a family trust, especially when feelings run high, requires a gentle and thoughtful approach. Here’s some ways you can seek the information you need while preserving family harmony.

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How to Divide Sentimental Items in an Estate

September 24, 2024 /

My mom recently passed away and I am the executor of her will. The will is fairly simple with everything divided equally between me and my four siblings. The problem is that there are a lot of heirloom items, including art, jewelry, furnishings, and several sentimental items that I know several of us have an interest in. Some are worth quite a bit, but most of it holds only sentimental value. Since I am responsible for dividing these items equally, how can I fairly and objectively do this without it looking like I'm favoring myself?

Betsy T.

First of all, I’d like to extend my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your mother. Navigating the complexities of grief while handling the responsibilities of being an executor can be an incredibly challenging task. It’s commendable that you’re seeking a fair and objective way to manage your mother’s legacy while honoring her memory and considering your siblings’ feelings.

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Can Mom’s New Boyfriend Replace Me as Power of Attorney?

September 4, 2024 /

I hold power of attorney for my mother. She's 89 years old and for the last two years, she has had a close companionship with "Stanley," a widower in the retirement community she lives in. Lately when we've discussed her future care needs, Stanley has been present and has bristled at the idea of Mom moving into assisted living or skilled care, even suggesting she move in with him. I'm concened that Stanley could talk her into removing me as power of attorney and naming himself. If so, what can I do to protect her?

Sarah T

First, your mother’s happiness is undoubtedly important, but so too is ensuring that her interests are protected as she navigates this vulnerable time in her life.

So, take a deep breath. This is a common concern that many family members face, and you’re not alone in dealing with these situations that involve both touchy and practical issues. 

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