Tag: Aging Parents (Page 2 of 3)

Mom leaves more to one child than another: what could go wrong?

September 10, 2024 / David Russell

Three years ago, my mother moved in with me and I became her full time caregiver. Last year she changed her will to leave more to me than my sister who hasn't done anything for her care. In fact, she hasn't spoken to mom since she moved in with me. I don't get paid for providing care, but I do use her social security check to help pay for household bills and groceries. Aside from that, mom has a sizeable stock account that she inherited from our dad. I'm worried my sister may cause trouble when mom dies and learns she doesn't get as much as I do. Should I ask her to change her will to be more equal?

Esther B.

I can sense the unease in your voice. As caregiver for your mother, it makes sense that she might favor you in her will, especially if your sister isn’t interested in a relationship with your mom. While your question is more about what happens after your mother dies, my hope is that there will be opportunities to communicate with your sister before that happens, resolve the rift between her and your mother, and avoid the potential conflicts that may arise. Ultimately the decision to accept the provisions of your mother’s will is hers.

That said, let’s discuss some practical issues to address your concerns, minimize legal complications, and discourage potential disputes with your sister when it comes to your mother’s will.

Understanding the Legal Framework

First, it’s important to ensure that the change your mother made to her will is legally sound. The will must have been updated at a time when your mother was fully competent and free from undue influence. Consulting an estate attorney can ensure all legal protocols were followed, thus making it less vulnerable to future challenges.
Was the change made with the assistance of an attorney? Although it’s not a requirement, using an attorney to execute legal documents like wills can avoid the mistakes people make when doing it themselves. Often, people will write a will in their own handwriting (called a holographic will). While these may be valid, these types of wills are easily disputed and may not have followed the procedures for valid will executions in the state where the person resides.
Assuming your mother did use a lawyer, and at the time did possess the capacity to execute a new will, who was present in the room with your mother’s lawyer when she changed her will? Just your mother? You with your mother? Only you? Ideally, it was only your mother. If you were present, did the lawyer directly address your mother or direct questions to you? The less your involvement in the meeting, the less likely you could be open to accusations of undue influence.

Guarding Against Will Contests

If your sister decides to contest the will, she could potentially claim undue influence or argue that your mother lacked the mental capacity to make such a change. To prepare for such scenarios, work with her attorney to maintain thorough records of the discussions and motivations behind the will’s adjustments. This documentation reinforces that the decision was made independently and with full awareness.
Did your mother include a no-contest clause to her will? Known as an in terrorem clause, this can discourage your sister from contesting the will, as she risks forfeiting her inheritance if she loses the challenge. While this is not enforceable in every jurisdiction, where applicable, it serves as a strong preventive measure.
A letter of intent can also be included, detailing your mother’s reasoning behind her decisions. This document, although not legally binding, provides context that could be useful in defending the will against disputes. Sometimes, these are prepared by the person creating the will, but the attorney may also provide this service.
Keeping detailed records of your caregiving responsibilities and related expenses is crucial. Not only does it validate the more substantial inheritance in compensation for your caregiving role, but it also provides a clear, factual basis for the distribution decision should your sister challenge it.

Proactive Communication and Mediation

Facilitating open communication with your mother and sister could be beneficial. If your mother is comfortable, hosting a family discussion where she shares her reasons for the will’s changes may help your sister understand the context and reduce tension. Transparency often alleviates suspicions and pre-empts conflicts.

If direct communication seems difficult, consider bringing in a professional mediator. A neutral third party can help facilitate productive discussions and address any underlying concerns or grievances. This proactive step can prevent more heated disputes down the line.

Engaging a Professional Team

Engaging the right team is critical. Not only can a team of professionals provide advice and counsel, but their presence and involvement demonstrate that you are not acting alone in managing your mom’s affairs. If her lawyer does not specialize in estate planning or elder law, you can look for one near you by visiting the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys. Other team members might include a geriatric care manager, financial planner, or family counselor.

By addressing these issues now—through open communication, legal safeguards, thorough documentation, and professional advice—you can reduce the likelihood of disputes and honor your mother’s wishes effectively. While it’s a challenging situation, approaching it with preparation and empathy can help maintain family harmony and respect for everyone involved.

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Can Mom’s New Boyfriend Replace Me as Power of Attorney?

September 4, 2024 / David Russell

I hold power of attorney for my mother. She's 89 years old and for the last two years, she has had a close companionship with "Stanley," a widower in the retirement community she lives in. Lately when we've discussed her future care needs, Stanley has been present and has bristled at the idea of Mom moving into assisted living or skilled care, even suggesting she move in with him. I'm concened that Stanley could talk her into removing me as power of attorney and naming himself. If so, what can I do to protect her?

Sarah T

First, your mother’s happiness is undoubtedly important, but so too is ensuring that her interests are protected as she navigates this vulnerable time in her life.

So, take a deep breath. This is a common concern that many family members face, and you’re not alone in dealing with these situations that involve both touchy and practical issues.

Reader is Confused: “Doesn’t Medicare Pay for Long-Term Care?”

August 27, 2024 / David Russell

I'm confused. My 78 year old dad recently had heart surgery and was released to a long term care facility for several weeks of rehab. He has Medicare and has a Medigap policy as well, but a long term care expert recently told me that Medicare won't pay for long term care. We've yet to get a bill from the facility, but now I'm concerned he's going to have to pay for this out of his pocket. Can you clarify this please?

Jeff P.

Sorting through health insurance details can sometimes feel like navigating a maze, especially when it comes to your dad’s recovery after heart surgery. If you’ve recently been told that Medicare won’t cover long-term care while he’s in a facility for rehabilitation, you’re certainly not alone in your confusion.

Medicare and Rehab Services

First off, let’s tackle the terminology. When we talk about long-term care, we often think of assistance provided in a nursing facility over an extended period. However, after a hospital stay, what your dad is receiving at that facility is actually classified as rehabilitation services – not long-term care —and that’s where Medicare comes into play.

To qualify for Medicare coverage in a skilled nursing facility (SNF), your dad needs to meet a few key requirements:

Hospital Stay: He must have a qualifying hospital stay of at least three consecutive days. Two days just won’t cut it, nor does admittance “for observation.” It must be an actual admittance for treatment in a hospital for at least three consecutive days!
Timely Admission: He needs to be admitted to a Medicare-certified skilled nursing facility within 30 days of being discharged from the hospital.
Type of Care: The services provided must primarily be skilled nursing care or rehabilitation therapy (think physical or occupational therapy).

Coverage Duration

Now that we’ve established that Medicare does indeed help with rehabilitation in a long-term care facility, let’s cover the specifics of what’s included:

Days 1-20: Medicare Part A kicks in and covers 100% of the costs in a Medicare-qualified rehab facility. It just so happens that many of these facilities are also nursing homes.
Days 21-100: From day 21 onward, there’s typically a daily copayment involved. For 2024, this amount is expected to be around $200 per day. Definitely something to factor into your budgeting.
Days 101 and Beyond: After the first 100 days, Medicare steps back and does not cover any costs. It’s all out-of-pocket!

Out-of-Pocket Costs and Medigap Magic

With the basics in mind, let’s get to the crucial part: out-of-pocket expenses. This is where your dad’s Medigap policy can really come to the rescue.

What is Medigap?
A Medigap policy is basically supplemental insurance that covers some of the costs that traditional Medicare doesn’t. Most Medigap plans help cover the daily copayment that starts after day 20.

Plan F: Offers full coverage of those copayments after the 20th day.
Plan G: Generally covers the copayments but requires that annual Part B deductible to be paid first.
Plan N: This one can require some copayments for certain services, but it still provides significant coverage for the days beyond 20.

Taking a closer look at your dad’s specific Medigap plan will give you the clarity needed to manage these potential costs.

Tips for Managing Long-Term Care Costs

Communicate with the Facility: When that first bill rolls in, don’t hesitate to reach out for clarification. Ask them questions about what Medicare is covering to understand your father’s financial responsibilities better.
Review the Medigap Policy: Make sure you’re familiar with the details of your dad’s Medigap plan. Each plan can have different coverage options, so understanding what’s included can help avoid surprises down the line.
Explore Other Aid: If costs start feeling overwhelming, consider looking into additional resources, like Medicaid or veterans’ benefits, which may help cover expenses once Medicare and Medigap benefits have been exhausted.
Get Professional Guidance: If you find yourself feeling lost in the financial fog, consulting with a financial advisor who specializes in elder care can provide direction and peace of mind.

While it’s easy to mix up the terminology surrounding Medicare, particularly when dealing with rehabilitation services in a long-term care facility, the key takeaway is this: If your dad is eligible and receiving rehab services, Medicare can help cover those costs—at least for a while! Understanding how Medicare and Medigap work together will empower you to make informed decisions about your father’s care and manage any potential financial burden.

Remember, you’re not alone as you navigate this. It may feel complicated now, but with a bit of persistence and the right information, you’ll find your way through!

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Ten Ways Technology Can Help with Remote Caregiving

August 20, 2024 / David Russell

I live far away from my older parents and I have no siblings. They insist on staying in their home as they age and I am concerned about their being alone. I work in the tech industry and would like to know what new technologies are useful to help families care for their aging loved ones?

Mark W.

This is such a common situation nowadays. As our parents grow older, their desire to remain in the comfort and familiarity of their own homes is completely understandable. For those of us living far away without siblings to share in the responsibility, ensuring their safety and well-being can be challenging. Fortunately, advancements in technology, alongside traditional forms of support, offer innovative solutions to make caring for aging loved ones manageable from afar. As someone working in the tech industry, you’ll find these developments particularly meaningful as they offer peace of mind while fostering closer connections despite physical distance

Smart Home Devices

Smart home technology has become indispensable for seniors wishing to age in place independently. Devices like smart speakers with voice-activated assistants (such as Amazon Echo or Google Home) enable seniors to set medication reminders, manage schedules, and control home appliances effortlessly. Additionally, smart security systems, like Ring doorbells, allow older adults to monitor visitors at their doorstep without having to physically open the door, enhancing both safety and convenience.

Personal Emergency Response Systems (PERS)

PERS have advanced beyond simple panic buttons. Current systems offer features like fall detection, GPS tracking, and two-way communication. Products such as MobileHelp and Philips Lifeline ensure that seniors can summon help at any moment, providing reassurance to both them and their distant caregivers.

Telehealth and Remote Monitoring

Innovations in healthcare technology have transformed access to medical care for seniors. Telehealth platforms facilitate virtual doctor visits, significantly reducing the need for travel. Additionally, remote monitoring tools track vital signs, including heart rate and blood pressure, sharing real-time health data with medical professionals to ensure timely care and intervention.

Robotics and AI

The rise of robotics and artificial intelligence in elder care is an exciting development. Companion robots like ElliQ by Intuition Robotics and Pepper by Softbank Robotics are designed to engage with seniors, offering companionship, reminders, and health monitoring. Furthermore, AI-driven tools can analyze behavioral patterns, identifying changes that may signal health concerns before they become serious issues.

Why Banks Might Refuse a POA

August 13, 2024 / David Russell

I hold a valid power of attorney for my mother, but when I tried to use it at her bank, the bank refused to recognize it. Why would the bank refuse to honor a valid legal document?

Nancy s.

As a holder of a power of attorney (POA) for a loved one, it can be incredibly frustrating when a bank refuses to recognize this legal document. You may believe that you have the authority to act on your mother’s behalf, but banks sometimes take a cautious approach when it comes to powers of attorney. Let’s explore some common reasons banks might refuse to honor a valid POA and what you can do if you find yourself in this situation.

Multi-Generational Living – It’s Complicated.

August 6, 2024 / David Russell

In recent years, a noticeable trend has emerged: Millennials are increasingly choosing to live with their Baby Boomer parents well into their 30s. This phenomenon is not merely a result of personal preference but is deeply intertwined with economic realities and changing societal norms. Moreover, it raises important questions about the willingness or reluctance of Millennials to provide care for their aging parents. Let’s delve into the economic and relationship aspects of multi-generational living, examining both its benefits and challenges.

Understanding the Trend

Several factors contribute to the rise of multi-generational living arrangements. Economic pressures, such as soaring housing costs and stagnant wages, make it difficult for young adults to afford independent living. According to a recent Pew Research Center report, more than a third of young adults aged 18 to 34 are living with their parents, the highest share in decades. This statistic underscores the economic strain facing Millennials and their need for alternative housing solutions.

Broaching Financial Power of Attorney: A Sensitive Conversation

May 6, 2024 / David Russell

My elderly father is resistant to the idea of relinquishing control over his finances, but he's starting to show signs of cognitive decline. How can I delicately broach the subject of financial power of attorney without causing conflict?

Amy

First and foremost, know that you’re not alone in facing this challenge. Many families encounter similar hurdles as their loved ones age, and it’s perfectly natural to feel apprehensive about initiating such conversations. It can feel like tip-toeing through a minefield of emotions, especially when broaching the subject of financial power of attorney.

Approaching the topic with sensitivity and empathy is key. Start by creating a safe space for open dialogue, perhaps over a cup of coffee, during a walk, or other quiet moment together. Express your concerns from a place of love and genuine care for your father’s well-being without sounding patronizing. I would also avoid using any of the phrases below as they can sound manipulative, demeaning, or patronizing.

How NOT to start the conversation

“Dad, now that you have dementia, don’t you think you need help managing your affairs…”
“You know, it’s only a matter of time when you’re going to slip up and make a big mistake…”
“I’m only doing this for you…”
“You know, Mom would want you to do this…”

Good conversation starters

In my Financial Caregiver Academy Course, I dedicate two lessons to Working as a Family. In Part One, I outline Seven Conversation Starters that may help begin the conversation. However, it may not always be you or a sibling that is best for broaching the topic. Sometimes a trusted friend, spouse, or outside advisor can open the door to the conversation easier than the adult child.

When discussing the idea of financial power of attorney, emphasize the importance of maintaining his autonomy. Assure him that this step is not about taking away his independence but rather about ensuring his wishes are honored and his best interests are protected.

One thing you could mention is the use of a Springing Power of Attorney – that is only upon the occurrence of a predefined event will the power “spring” into being. Usually the event is when two physicians known to the individual attest that he is no longer capable of managing his affairs. Until then, your dad would retain full control over his affairs.

It’s crucial to listen attentively to your father’s concerns and reservations without dismissing them. Acknowledge his fears and uncertainties, and validate his emotions. Reassure him that you’re there to support him every step of the way and that decisions will be made collaboratively, with his input and wishes guiding the process.

Depending on your father’s level of understanding and engagement, you may find it helpful to provide educational resources or involve a trusted third party, such as a financial planner or elder law attorney, in the discussion. These professionals can offer expert guidance tailored to your family’s unique circumstances and help navigate the legal and logistical aspects of establishing a financial power of attorney.

Remember, these conversations may not always unfold smoothly, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Be patient with yourself and your father as you navigate this journey together. By approaching the topic with empathy, respect, and a commitment to collaborative decision-making, you can help ensure that your father’s financial affairs are managed responsibly while preserving his dignity and autonomy.

Negotiation Techniques for Adult Children of Aging Parents

August 11, 2023 / David Russell

In an insightful article published on KFFhealthnews.org by Judith Graham, titled “Negotiate with Resistant Aging Parents: Applying Business Strategies,” researchers at Northwestern University explore the application of negotiation and dispute resolution techniques from the business world to defuse conflicts arising from caregiving and financial decisions involving elderly parents. As we strive to provide the best care for our aging loved ones, this article sheds light on strategies to navigate complex situations while respecting their autonomy and dignity. The article delves into a training curriculum designed to help professionals and family caregivers approach caregiving as a collaborative effort and offers valuable insights for fostering productive conversations.

Reaching an impasse with aging parents in their late 80s who resist the idea of receiving home assistance can be frustrating. Negotiation and dispute resolution techniques commonly employed in the business world have shown potential for resolving such conflicts, according to a group of researchers at Northwestern University.

The team has developed a specialized training program focused on negotiation and dispute resolution. Aimed at social workers, care managers, and healthcare professionals working with resistant older adults, this curriculum encourages professionals to engage in collaborative caregiving approaches that honor the individual’s preferences, rather than imposing decisions.

Lee Lindquist, the chief of geriatrics at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine, who leads this initiative, highlighted the prevalence of conflicts among older individuals and emphasized the program’s goal to de-escalate such situations, ensuring older adults receive the necessary support while maintaining their dignity.

A significant component of this project is the development of a computer-based training program for family caregivers dealing with mild cognitive impairment or early-stage dementia in their loved ones. Dubbed “NegotiAge,” this program employs avatars of older adults to simulate negotiation scenarios. Through practice, caregivers can refine their negotiation skills and techniques.

This project, funded by the National Institutes of Health with nearly $4 million, strives to make NegotiAge widely accessible after evaluating its effectiveness.

For family caregivers seeking to navigate conflicts with aging parents, the article outlines several proactive steps:

1. Prepare: Before entering negotiations, thorough preparation is vital. Jeanne Brett, a member of the NegotiAge team, suggests addressing fundamental questions, identifying issues, involved parties, their positions, motivations, and potential consequences if an agreement is not reached. Document your goals for the upcoming conversations.

2. Identify Common Interests: Finding common ground among the parties involved is key. Emphasize shared goals and interests, such as maintaining the older adult’s independence, safety, and social connections.

3. Ask Questions: Avoid making assumptions about the reasons behind a parent’s stance. Engage in open-ended discussions to understand their perspective. Show empathy and genuine concern.

4. Brainstorm Strategies: Emotions can run high during negotiations, particularly within family dynamics. Shift focus from conflicts to collaborative problem-solving. Encourage creative thinking and explore multiple potential solutions.

5. Third-Party Involvement: If resolution remains elusive, consider involving a neutral third party, like a mediator or healthcare professional. External input can provide a fresh perspective and facilitate productive discussions.

Applying these strategies can lead to more effective communication, allowing families to navigate challenging decisions while preserving relationships and respecting the autonomy and dignity of aging parents. As the Northwestern University research advances, caregivers and professionals alike stand to benefit from enhanced tools and approaches to address the complexities of eldercare.

To read the full article by Judith Graham on KFFhealthnews.org, visit: Negotiate with Resistant Aging Parents: Applying Business Strategies.

How to Have Difficult Conversations About Senior Living Options

July 21, 2023 / drussellcfp

As our parents age, there may come a time when we need to have challenging conversations about their future living arrangements. The topic of senior living options can be sensitive and emotional, but it’s essential to address it with empathy, understanding, and respect. In this guide, we’ll provide insights and strategies on how to approach these conversations effectively, ensuring that your loved ones’ wishes and needs are considered.

1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Initiating a conversation about senior living options requires careful consideration of timing and environment. Choose a comfortable and private setting, and make sure there are no distractions. Avoid discussing this topic during busy family gatherings or when emotions are running high. Opt for a time when everyone is relaxed and open to discussing the matter calmly.

2. Listen with Empathy: Approaching the conversation with empathy and active listening is crucial. Your parents may have a range of emotions and concerns about the idea of transitioning to senior living. Take the time to listen to their thoughts, fears, and desires. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their experiences to create a supportive atmosphere where they feel heard and understood.

3. Focus on Their Needs and Preferences: Every individual has unique needs and preferences when it comes to senior living arrangements. Some may prefer to stay in their homes with in-home care, while others might feel more comfortable in a retirement community or assisted living facility. Respect their autonomy and choices, and involve them in the decision-making process. Be open to exploring different options together, considering factors like proximity to family, medical care, and social activities.

4. Address Safety and Care Concerns: Safety and care are paramount considerations when discussing senior living options. Express your concern for their well-being and highlight how certain living arrangements can enhance their safety and provide access to essential support services. Share information about the benefits of professional caregivers and the sense of community they can experience in senior living communities.

5. Involve Other Family Members: If possible, involve other family members in the conversation to show a united front and demonstrate a shared commitment to your parents’ best interests. Discussing senior living options as a family can provide a broader perspective and may alleviate any feelings of isolation or pressure on your parents.

6. Provide Information and Support: Share educational resources and information about different senior living options to help your parents make informed decisions. Provide brochures, online resources, or arrange visits to local retirement communities or assisted living facilities. Offering emotional support throughout the decision-making process can help alleviate anxiety and stress.

Discussing senior living options with aging parents can be challenging, but it’s essential to approach these conversations with compassion, active listening, and respect for their autonomy. By choosing the right time and place, focusing on their needs and preferences, and involving other family members, we can navigate this sensitive topic together, ensuring our loved ones receive the care and support they deserve in their later years.

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A Guide to Recognizing Common Health Issues in Aging Parents

July 20, 2023 / drussellcfp

As our parents age, it becomes increasingly important for us to be vigilant about their health and well-being. While aging is a natural process, it often brings about specific health challenges that may require attention and care. Recognizing common health issues in aging parents can enable us to provide timely support and improve their quality of life. In this guide, we’ll explore some prevalent health concerns faced by seniors and offer insights on how to identify and address them.

Cognitive Decline and Memory Loss:

One of the most common health issues experienced by aging parents is cognitive decline, which can include mild memory lapses or more severe conditions like dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, approximately 5.8 million Americans age 65 and older are living with Alzheimer’s in 2021, and this number is expected to increase significantly in the coming years. To recognize cognitive decline, observe any noticeable changes in memory, confusion, or difficulty performing daily tasks. If you notice these signs, consult a healthcare professional for an evaluation and proper diagnosis.

Chronic Conditions:

Aging often coincides with an increased risk of chronic health conditions such as diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, and hypertension. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 80% of older adults have at least one chronic condition, while 77% have two or more. Pay attention to your aging parent’s symptoms, medication management, and any changes in physical abilities. Regular medical check-ups and adherence to prescribed treatments are crucial for managing these conditions effectively.

Mobility Issues:

With advancing age, seniors may experience reduced mobility due to joint pain, muscle weakness, or other factors. Falls are a significant concern among the elderly, with one in four Americans aged 65 and older falling each year, as reported by the National Council on Aging (NCOA). To mitigate the risk of falls, ensure that their living environment is safe and free from hazards. Consider installing grab bars in the bathroom, providing adequate lighting, and encouraging the use of assistive devices like canes or walkers if necessary.

Vision and Hearing Impairments:

Vision and hearing loss are common age-related issues that can significantly impact daily life. The National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders (NIDCD) estimates that approximately one in three people aged 65 to 74 have hearing loss, and nearly half of those over 75 have difficulty hearing. Regular eye exams and hearing tests can help detect and manage these impairments early, leading to improved communication and overall well-being.

Conclusion:

Being proactive in recognizing common health issues in aging parents is vital for providing them with the care and support they need. Regular communication with healthcare professionals, attentiveness to changes in their physical and cognitive well-being, and maintaining a safe living environment are essential steps in promoting their overall health and quality of life. By staying informed and observant, we can be better prepared to navigate the challenges of aging together with our loved ones.

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