I am so Mad at My Mother! Finding the Funny in Family Caregiving

1. She’s Still Bossing Me Around Like I’m 12

No matter how old we get, some mothers never quite let go of the belief that they are still in charge. There’s nothing quite like standing in your mother’s kitchen—her 86-year-old voice correcting you for putting the mugs in the “wrong cabinet”—to remind you that in her eyes, you’ll never be more than the kid who left Legos on the stairs.

You could be the CEO of a company, a retired Navy pilot, or a trained nurse… doesn’t matter. You still “don’t stir the gravy right.” And heaven forbid you try to help her set up online bill pay. She’ll let you know that she was paying bills before you were born, thank you very much.

This role reversal—where you’re the responsible adult, yet still being parented—is maddening. You may find yourself arguing over whether or not she can drive to the Dollar Store on expired tags, all while she reminds you that you forgot to put the trash out in 1986.

It’s hard to feel like a competent adult when your aging parent treats you like an incompetent child—with dementia, hearing loss, and a walker—but still insists you’re doing it wrong.

2. Nobody Else Is Helping—But They All Have Opinions

Ah, siblings. God bless ’em. This is a big one. It’s not just that you’re mad at your mother—it’s that you’re mad at your siblings too. They’ve vanished like free samples at Costco.

One lives in another state and calls once a month to offer advice like, “Have you tried getting Mom to join a social group?” Another seems to vanish completely until you post a picture of her on Facebook, at which point he’ll call to say, “She doesn’t look good. Are you taking her to the doctor enough?” Then there’s always that one sibling who suddenly becomes very into yoga, essential oils, or “energy alignment” just when Mom needs help showering.

Meanwhile, you’re the one taking time off work, fielding 3 a.m. calls about fallen bedside lamps, and figuring out which pill is “the pink one for her blood pressure.”

This isn’t just anger—it’s resentment. And resentment, unspoken, can curdle faster than a half-finished Ensure on the counter.

3. I Had Plans Too, You Know

This is the part no one wants to admit: you’re not just angry at them. You’re grieving the life you thought you’d have.

Maybe you imagined the empty nest would mean travel, yoga retreats, or finally taking that pottery class. Instead, you’re figuring out Medicare Advantage Plans and cleaning out the fridge for mystery meat from 2019.

You love your parent. You’re trying to do the right thing. But a little piece of you still screams, “This wasn’t the deal!” You planned for Tuscany. You got adult daycare and a collection of pill sorters in pastel colors.

And yes, maybe you feel guilty for even thinking that. But it doesn’t make it any less true.

4. She Won’t Do the One Thing I Need Her to Do

Sometimes what makes us angriest is when aging parents refuse to cooperate—especially when we’re trying to help them stay independent. Refusal is a subtle art form in old age. Some parents do it with a smile. Others do it with outright rebellion. Either way, it’s maddening.

They won’t wear the hearing aids (“I can hear fine, you mumble!”), they won’t take the walker (“It makes me look old!”), and they definitely won’t stop driving (“I passed my eye test!” …in 1998).

You’re trying to help them stay independent—and in return, they resist every helpful suggestion like it’s a conspiracy from the AARP deep state.

It’s like parenting toddlers, only with a deeper sense of irony and a much higher fall risk.

5. I Feel Guilty for Being Mad—Which Just Makes Me Madder

Here’s the emotional paradox of caregiving: You can feel love, grief, guilt, anger, pride, and bone-deep exhaustion all at the same time. And no one gives you a medal for holding it all together.

Instead, you’re often expected to smile through it. “You’ll cherish this time,” people say. Maybe. Or maybe you’ll just cherish the day you can go a full 24 hours without talking about bowel movements.

Sometimes the hardest part is admitting just how angry you are. Because once you do, the guilt creeps in. And then that makes you mad. And then you start wondering if there’s a bottle of wine in the garage fridge.

Laugh So You Don’t Explode

We laugh at Steve Martin’s bit because it’s absurd—but also not. Aging is weird. Caregiving is weirder. The emotional tension between love and frustration is the tightrope we walk every day. Many adult children joke about “working out a deal” with their aging parents—but behind the joke is real strain. Financial. Emotional. Familial.

But naming the anger, laughing at the absurdity, and admitting the truth? That’s not failure. That’s survival.

So the next time you feel like screaming into a pillow—or pricing one-way flights to anywhere but here—just know: You’re not alone. You’re not a bad kid. You’re a real person, doing a really hard thing.

And if no one’s told you lately: You’re doing a great job—even if the gravy still isn’t right.