Helping Families Navigate the Financial Challenges of Age Transitions

Category: Family Relationships (Page 3 of 6)

Daughter and partner try to force the sale of parent’s home.

A Massachusetts case illustrates the care that must be exercised when giving property interests to others and how those interests are titled. Donald and Suzanne Bragdon owned their home as Tenants by Entirety, a form of holding title available only to married individuals. They subsequently conveyed one-half of their home to their daughter, Laurie Durken, and her partner, Terrence McCarthy as co-joint tenants between all four of them, but also retained a life estate in the property. A retained life estate divides property ownership into two parts – one part for the living owner, and one part for the residual owner that only vests after the living owner’s death.

So, we have three forms of holding title going on here – a tenancy by entirety for half the house between Donald and Suzanne, a joint tenancy between all four individuals for the other half of the house, and a retained life estate in the entire property by Donald and Suzanne. Whether or not this was intentional planning I do not know, but it’s a recipe for disaster and it nearly occurred for Donald and Suzanne but for the protection against forced division that their various titling gave them.

Sadly, Laurie and Terrence sought to partition the property – essentially force the sale of it presumably because they needed the money. As you would expect, Donald and Suzanne objected to this idea of forcibly selling their home, and ultimately the conflict wound up in court. Laurie and Terrence argued that they owned a “possessory” right in the property regardless of the existence of the retained life estate that gave them the right to partition. Donald and Suzanne said the life estate superseded any right of possession Laurie and Terrence may have until after their deaths.

After examination of the deeds executed between the four, the courts agreed with Donald and Suzanne.

McCarthy and Durkan relinquished their prior possessory undivided one-half interest in the property by voluntarily signing onto the 2013 deed as grantors. Thus, the Bragdons are entitled to the benefit of the presumption that one who signs an instrument has read and understood its contents and has assented to its terms and legal effect. By the 2013 deed, the Bragdons hold a life estate in 100% of the property, and McCarthy and Durkan hold the remainder interest in 100% of the property. As McCarthy and Durkan do not hold any present possessory interest in the property, they are not entitled to partition. Their petition for partition must be dismissed.

Source: MCCARTHY vs. BRAGDON, MISC 20-000118

The lesson here is to seek competent legal advice when it comes to gifting property interests to 3rd parties and forms of holding title. A knowledgeable attorney will not only understand the operation of title law but can also give guidance and warnings about these kinds of what-if scenarios. In this case, an ounce of prevention would have been worth more than the pound of cure.

Adopt a Code of Honor when caring for an aging loved one.

I am fortunate that both my mom (93) and mother-in-law (86) are still living and doing quite well. As I have visited with them and their close friends, there is a tremendous amount of wit and wisdom to glean from these encounters. Unfortunately, one of the things I have also witnessed in our culture is a loss or lack of honor towards those who have lived more years than most. I would like to challenge myself and the reader to make a resolution for 2022 to honor our older citizens – especially our parents. What does it mean to honor an older person? Often hearing a familiar principle from a different cultural context can clarify its meaning. In recent years, I’ve attempted to learn more about the ancient philosophies of Taoism, Confucianism, and Buddhism. These belief systems share many core principles with the Judeo-Christian ethics and scriptures that are more familiar to us Westerners than these less represented traditions.

Take the concept of Filial Piety, one of the eight virtues of Confucianism. Scholars attribute the Eight Virtues to a line in the Sage Emperor Guan’s Book of Enlightenment, saying

“It is through Filial Piety, Sibling Harmony, Dedication, Trustworthiness, Propriety, Sacrifice, Honor, and Sense of Shame that we become fully human.” 

Filial Piety means to be good to one’s parents; to take care of one’s parents; to engage in good conduct not just towards parents but also outside the home so as to bring a good name to one’s parents and ancestors. The Fung Loy Kok Institute of Taoism further expounds on the concept of filial piety by stating,

You should also attend to your parents’ well-being. There are three basic needs you must provide for your parents. First, you should provide for their food and clothing. Second, when they are ill, you must take responsibility for nursing them back to health. Third, when they die, you must provide them with proper burial and care for their graves. As a son or daughter, whether you are rich or poor, whatever profession you are engaged in, whether you are married or not, whether you have children or not, if you can perform these three deeds with sincerity and dedication, your parents will be happy while they are alive and rest in peace when they are deceased. Your parents cared for you without selfish interests. Your mother carried you in her womb for ten lunar months and nursed you for three years. Your parents constantly tended to your needs while you were growing up. You should show your gratitude to them by fulfilling the virtue of filial piety.

For we Westerners, the concept of Filial Piety is rooted in both the Old and New Testament scriptures. Exodus 20:12 commands,

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” (New International Version). Ephesians 6:2-3 repeats the same command and adds parenthetically “which is the only command with a promise.”

When parents age to the point where they lose independence or capacity to perform certain functions of daily living, families should adopt and adhere to a personal code of honor that maintains the dignity that the older person deserves. In a curriculum developed to teach adult children how to be effective financial caregivers, I provide a model code of honor that is available for download here.

Social Isolation Affects Heart Health, Cognition

Two new studies show the effects that social isolation and loneliness can have on cardiovascular health and cognitive decline.

The two studies provided several compelling links between social engagement and mental or physiological health. Some of the findings include:

  • Social isolation and loneliness are common but are under-recognized as contributing to cardiovascular and brain health.
  • The lack of social connection is associated with an increased risk of premature death from all causes, especially among men.
  • People who experience social isolation or loneliness are more likely to experience chronic stress and depression. Depression can also lead to social isolation.

Source: Social Isolation Affects Heart Health, Cognition

Britney Spears has been under a California-ordered conservatorship since 2013, and in recent years has tried unsuccessfully to have her father, Jamie Spears, removed. Attorneys for Jaime Spears have maintained that he “has always acted in the best interests of his daughter.”

Conservatorships are court-ordered arrangements presumably designed to protect those who cannot manage their own affairs due to some physical or mental limitation. Each state has its own rules for conservatorships and courts may appoint anyone it chooses to be in charge of someone’s property.

A spotlight on Britney Spears’ conservatorship has led lawmakers in one state to consider changes, but some say focusing on the pop star could overlook the needs of those with disabilities.

 

Source: #FreeBritney Movement Prompts Lawmakers To Consider Changing Conservatorship Rules – Disability Scoop

Covid Spurs Families to Shun Nursing Homes, a Shift That Appears Long Lasting – WSJ

Has COVID affected how you feel about nursing homes? Even if a loved one hasn’t become ill, many families have been unable to even visit their elderly relatives, which was especially difficult over the holiday season. This Wall Street Journal article discusses how COVID is causing many to consider other options.

The pandemic is reshaping the way Americans care for their elderly, leading more families to decide to avoid professionally run facilities as services expand to support in-home care.

Source: Covid Spurs Families to Shun Nursing Homes, a Shift That Appears Long Lasting – WSJ

How Covid-19 Will Change Aging and Retirement – WSJ

As the pandemic wreaks havoc on our mental and physical health, it is also quietly reshaping how Americans will face retirement and old age in the years to come.The virus is bringing sweeping change, mainly by “accelerating developments already under way,” says physician and entrepreneur Bill Thomas. For example, “isolation of older people has long been a problem, but Covid is focusing attention on the issue and adding urgency” to address it.

In this Wall Street Journal Article, writer Anne Tergesen reports on some of the effects that the COVID virus could have on aging and society. Among her findings:

  1. More will age at home.
  2. Older people will benefit from a technology boom.
  3. Lifespans will decline. (Though perhaps only for the short term)
  4. We will have a better handle on what we want to do with our time.
  5. We will plan for death.
  6. We will embrace healthier lifestyles.
  7. We need to save more to retire.
  8. The 401(k) will morph into a multipurpose account.
  9. We will work longer.
  10. Our views on aging will change.

Source: How Covid-19 Will Change Aging and Retirement – WSJ

Balancing Work and Elder Care Through the Coronavirus Crisis

Liz O’Donnell, founder of Working Daughter, a community for people balancing eldercare and career, and the author of Working Daughter: A Guide To Caring For your Aging Parents While Making A Living (Rowman & Littlefield, 2019.) penned an article for the Harvard Business Review providing tips for those already in the sandwich generation, but now with the added challenge of working from home.

She offers four tips to help those working from home AND who now share space with spouses, children, and perhaps an aging parent.

  1. Set your parents up for success by establishing routines and clear communication where possible.
  2. Set boundaries both for them and yourself so that you can minimize or control the interruptions that shared work and home life will bring.
  3. Overcommunicate your situation with co-workers and managers. Chances are, they are in similar positions or there will be other co-workers who are as eldercare comes out of hiding and into the mainstream.
  4. Do not neglect your own self-care. Caregiver burnout was already a big deal even before COVID. For the working adult children of dependent parents, at least the office provided the odd respite from the chaos of home. Now that is gone for many, so self-care needs to be a priority.

For the full text of the article, see the link below.

 

Source: Balancing Work and Elder Care Through the Coronavirus Crisis

Funeral and burial disputes 

Think you’ll just let your family members decide how to dispose of your body when you die? This is a burden that is accompanied by a lot of stress and pressure to make some major decisions during a very emotional time. Imagine if one of your children thinks you should be cremated, and another believes only in Christian burial.  Do you really want to leave it up to them?

It’s not uncommon for disagreements to arise between family members and loved ones over funeral arrangements, burial disputes or possession of ashes. So, who has the ultimate say and what can you do? Richard Adams, senior associate in the Contested Wills, Trusts and Estates team at Hugh James who has advised clients in a number of such cases, considers this delicate and sensitive issue.

Source: Funeral and burial disputes – Legal Futures

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